Normally we compile our annual food awards by smacking our bellies and trying to recall everything we’ve consumed to make them so jiggly and penis-concealing. This year we turned to celebrities, chefs, and Maxim readers to create our most mouthwatering list yet. See our five best breakfasts below or dig into our five best lunches and five best dinners.
1. Egg-Sausage Sandwich at M. Wells Diner
M. Wells Diner, Long Island City, NY
"The menu changes often, but the egg-sausage sandwich is a constant at this Quebecois diner. The English muffin is about the size of a dinner plate and comes stuffed with a huge disc of sausage, eggs, cheddar, tomato, and pickled jalapeños. It’s greasy, meaty, a little spicy, and oozing with cheese and egg yolk. Pair it with a beer and it’s pretty much the Platonic ideal of a hangover cure. To up the ante, order it alongside some beef tongue or bone marrow." —Amanda Kludt, editor, Eater New York
2. Whole Hog Breakfast at Sultan Bakery
Sultan Bakery, Sultan, WA
"If you’re heading to the Cascade Mountains, this is a mandatory stop. Finishing breakfast is a rite of passage: ridiculous portions of thick-sliced bacon and breads baked just hours before. If you’re up to the challenge, get the Whole Hog: ham, bacon, sausage, three eggs, and hash browns with biscuits and gravy piled high, plus inch-and-a-half thick toast. You’ll snap out of a food coma just in time to ski." —Captain Keith, Deadliest Catch
3. Buttermilk Pancakes at Char No. 4
Char No. 4, Brooklyn, NY
"I’ll stumble out of bed on a Sunday and head to Brooklyn just for these pancakes: They’re crazy big and fluffy, with vanilla-rhubarb jam and honey-almond butter. The chef, Matt Greco, is sick. He also makes homemade bacon, ham, and sausages. I go with the sage pork-sausage patty and the Bloody Mary with bourbon and chipotle." —Andrew Carmellini, chef, Locanda Verde and The Dutch, N.Y.C.
4. The Champ at Doc's Diner
Doc’s Diner, Key Largo, FL
"The Champ is a ceramic skillet about 12 inches wide with a bed of hash browns. On top of that is sausage gravy. Then that’s covered with corned beef hash, two slices of cheese, and two eggs made to order. I get ’em fried or over easy. It’s your stereotypical greasy-spoon hangover food—for when you’ve had a bunch of piña coladas with Jimmy Buffett the night before. It’s a delicious mess." —Steve Hutchinson, G, Minnesota Vikings
5. Tequila and Chilaquiles at Tamales Liliana's
Tamales Liliana’s, Los Angeles, CA
"Once after a brutal night shift at L.A. County–USC Medical Center in East L.A., my residents and I went here. It’s 8 a.m. and we’re in scrubs, covered in bloodstains, and the guy behind the counter goes, “Gentlemen, welcome!” and holds up two big bottles of tequila. We downed them with chilaquiles: eggs, fried tortillas, and sausage with molé or salsa, cheese, and sour cream on top." —Sameer Bakhda, M.D., Maxim reader and ER physician