Do you need any kind of special college degree to crunch all of those numbers?
No, it's pretty simple stuff. It's just a spreadsheet, so you don't need a degree in calculus or anything like that.

Sounds like a long spreadsheet—do you individually rate everyone, or do you give your best position player a 99 rating and work down from there?
I go through all the guys in each category. At the end, I sort the rosters by highest rating just to see that everything fits. A lot of people are like, "How could you miss this?" But it's one stat buried within 20 from one player out of 1,700.

Madden also has team ratings—how are those determined?
Until about three years ago, they were calculated by the combined ratings of players on offense, defense, and special teams. Now, I set them manually, because the old formula didn't best indicate how good a team was. For example, in Madden 09 the Titans get extra points because they have a fast QB, making them easier to play with.

So how long does this whole process take? Do you eat, sleep, and poop Microsoft Excel?
Roster updates really help; with them, I can keep track of how each guy is doing. If I'm way off, I can change [a rating], but normally they're pretty good because we've been doing roster updates so frequently the last few years.From year to year, it's basically just tuning them up. Like if a guy gets older or has surgery, he gets knocked down points.

How do you rate guys who don't play that much, like third-string QBs?
They're tough, especially if they don't play at all. If it's a backup, there could be interest in him from other teams [going into a season]. But if a guy gets dropped and no one wants him, he's probably not that good. Like Shaun Alexander. He fell the most points from last year to this year, and I feel pretty good about that because no team has signed him. For QBs, preseason doesn't help me outside of arm strength and accuracy—decision-making during a game is what separates most of those guys.

Ever gone really wrong with a player's rating?
Yeah, Justin Tuck on the Giants. He was like a 70 last year. This year he's like a 94, because he was so dominant last season. We may also rate someone too high and then they have an awful year because of injuries, etc. We've had guys like Marvin Harrison and Torry Holt, who had knee problems, which really kill a football player—they won't be as fast, they won't get open as much, and they won't be as good.

Do you ever get called out by players for their ratings?
We run into the occasional athlete at an event who asks about his ratings. Travis Henry wanted to tell me that he stiff-arms really well—that's all he said to me. Edgerrin James is always wondering why he's so slow. [Laughs] He actually wanted his pass blocking raised, which was kind of odd. But he was right, because it was low in the game.

You don't ever get an offensive lineman calling you up saying, "Come on, man! I blocked better than 60!"
I haven't heard too much from players. The guy before me did. He heard from Eddie George, who complained because he was 49 speed or something like that. He was really, really slow. T.J. Houshmandzadeh complained a lot. The game's producers came to me and asked me about him, like "Why isn't he up to speed?" If the complaint has merit, I'll look into it. But players sometimes see themselves in a different light. I can bump it up where I see fit, but I'm not going to go too crazy with guys like that.

Power beyond our wildest dreams. You truly are a god among men-shaped pixels.

Madden NFL 09 is available at all video game proprietors now.