Dancing With the Stars

Get your hot fresh turds here! Get them while they're hot! Hot fresh turds! Just the way you like them! Hot on the outside, and hot on the inside! We've got the corny and the non-corny! Long and thin! Or short little ones that look like your grandpa's chewing tobacco! We've got tan ones, sandy-colored ones, deep brown ones, and even ones that resemble Banana Republic khaki! Turds! The Turd Man is coming! Bringing fresh turdage for the neighborhood! Ripe, juicy, whiffy, randy, fudge-y turds! Mmm! Have you had your turd today? A turd a day keeps the doc away! Turds, turds, morning, noon, and night! Freshly fished from local toilet bowls! No preservatives added! Only the finest ingredients, like corn, and maybe cheese! These are bowl-fresh! Harvested while the shine's still on them! Turds for boys and girls of all ages! TURRRRDDDDDSSS!