These Are The Absolute Worst Things You Can Do On A First Date

Read this if you want to upgrade your dating game.
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Read this if you want to upgrade your dating game.
(Photo: Getty)

(Photo: Getty)

Listen up, gentlemen. You already know that first dates can be hella awkward, considering you’re on a romantic rendezvous with someone you literally do not know. That said, first impressions are everything. One wrong move, and it’s all over, my friend.

But just what are the wrong moves? What are the right moves? What are the left moves? Well, Jesus H. Christ. The dating game is pretty damn complicated and confuses the bejesus out of everyone.

Lucky for us, O.G. dating site Match.com decided to help all us single people out, and just revealed this year’s Singles in America survey, which explores the nooks and crannies of dating habits of more than 5,000 singles across the U.S.

The first thing you should know about first dates is that your date starts waaay before you even meet up in person – thanks to a little something called social media.

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42 percent of those surveyed said they hardcore judge their date first by examining their social media posts, so it’s probably wise to hold off on those “deep” inspirational quotes, because 1) they’re stupid, and 2) they make you look stupid. Really, just stay away from inspirational quotes. It's for your own good.

And you know what else you should be wary of? Your pictures, of course. 42 percent of the people in the survey reported judging you real hard if you post lame pictures on social media. And when I say lame pictures, I mean:

  • Posing next to a sports car you obviously don't own while wearing sunglasses in an attempt to show the world you're a total badass.
  • Lifting weights at the gym. Seriously, just don't. 
  • Petting a drugged tiger or other tranquilized wild animal
  • Shirtless mirror selfies. Oh, Lordy, the shirtless mirror selfies.

Those are all frowned upon. But on the other hand, if you post pictures of puppies you take care of at a shelter, or your family, or silly vacation photos, that’s cool. You can keep doing that. You’ll only be judged in a good way for those.

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Next on the list of things you should never, ever do on a date, according to 39 percent of respondents, is use bad grammar. I guess this would have to be really, really bad for it to be a dealbreaker, but just keep this in mind. This also starts before you physically go on your date, because your grammar is going to be on full display in your pre-date messaging and/or texting.

If you don’t know the difference between your and you’re, or to, too, and two, you shouldn’t expect to get too far into the relationship…unless she sucks at grammar as well. In that case, you might be soulmates. Who knows.

Now comes the stuff she judges you on in person: 37 percent said the first thing they notice about you is your teeth and your smile, so you might want to brush and floss them chompers before leaving your house, if you want to effectively avoid a situation in which she can’t focus on anything but the plaque on your teeth and your overwhelming halitosis.

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And finally, as 35 percent of respondents agree, she will notice your outfit, and she will judge it. So, don’t go on a first date dressed like a damn hobo. Unless you happen to be rolling meeting up in certain hipster-friendly precincts of Brooklyn or Portland or similar gentrified urban oasis of cool, because then it’s ironically fashionable. 

Anyways, I recommend rocking a dapper, tailored outfit, perhaps consisting of well-fitting jeans, a simple t-shirt, and a blazer. You literally cannot go wrong with that.

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Well, now you know how not to screw up a first date. And with that, I wish you the best of luck, my dudes.