The Land of Ditka can thank her college undergrads (141,688 locals are enrolled in four-year programs) and respectable booze-palace density (one for every 3,588 residents) for helping her make this list. But the warning is clear, Chicago: Party or perish.
Texans of Fort Worth, Austin, El Paso, San Antonio, and Houston: Big D outparties you. The city's median age is a list low: 32.63 years. And the only thing you can't get away with there is drinking in a bar 24 hours a day. But that's why they sell beer in cans.
8. New Orleans
Much is made about what's wrong with the Big Easy. Let us tell you what's right: There's a bar for every 995 residents—six times as many watering holes per capita as Miami. At home, locals consume 10.65 cases of beer annually—the highest rate on this list.
Bless you, Detroit. Bless your downtown casinos. Bless your unwavering commitment to ordinance-free Sunday drinking. Bless your 1.06 women to every mustache-sporting Detroit man. Like your favorite son, Kid Rock, long may you party.
It's four o'clock: Do you know where your dad is? He's probably at one of the city's 49 strip clubs. That's more booby-barns than you'll find in Vegas. Yes, the city's median age is a list-high 40.45 years, but citizens down 5.41 cases of beer at home annually.
5. Las Vegas
Maxim's 2006 #1 Party City falls victim to this year's metrics; we've done a better job of including home-based partying. Still, almost nothing's off-limits in Sin City 'cept dancing. And 14.9 percent of Vegasettes are divorced and feeling kind of lucky.
4. New York
Yes, there are 1.06 women for every guy. Indeed, there are 88 modeling agencies. It is a 4 A.M. town. And, yes, 66 strip clubs hide across the five boroughs. But what's the point if the law says ladies can't smoke or shake their butts in bars?
Atlantans don't get enough sleep 9.74 days a month, which helps explains why there are 91 24-hour restaurants. The secret to this top-three placing is Atlanta's 56,006 college undergrads (Vegas' downfall) and party-compliant ordinances (N.Y.C.'s downfall).
2. Los Angeles
While L.A. has one pitiful bar for every 6,284 people, it does have teaming hordes of hot coeds and professional women. Raise a Jamba Juice to the ladies of the city's 60 modeling agencies and 38 strip clubs. And to the Greyhound buses they rode in on.
Drinks on you, Miami, a city with 49 modeling agencies and a 13.2 percent divorcée rate. Most of all, we like your market-driven nightlife: Bars close whenever, dancing and smoking are accepted, and happy hour is a lifestyle. Plus, Shaq's the only cop in town!