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Release Date: 
Star Rating: 
1 out of 10
If we knew this movie was about to be released, we’d check ourselves into a hospital, too. Glitter is a two-hour Mariah Carey video, without the complex character development. Yet, you can’t fault Carey entirely for the failure of her highly-touted vanity project—someone forgot to write any dialogue for her. We think it’s at least an hour and change before she actually says anything. Also not helping is that she only has one facial expression and anyone who owns any of her albums has already seen it.

Glitter, the tale of a disadvantaged young girl who wants to be a star…blah, blah. It’s the worst kind of soap opera story you could ever imagine; however, in the right mood, Glitter totally succeeds as a wet-your-pants comedy. Oh, and here’s a fun game to play: Try and spot the mysterious slash of silver paint which, for some unknown reason, appears somewhere on Carey’s body in every scene. What the hell is that? One final thought: Is it just us, or does Carey bear a frightening resemblance to Falkor, the “luck dragon” from The NeverEnding Story? Maybe the movie just warped our brains…