Which decade had the finest pop divas? We break it down.

<strong>Cyndi Lauper vs. Courtney Love</strong>- When your last name is Love, and you marry a man for love, but then he kills himself, and then a bunch of people accuse you of murdering him, well, that’s a lot of shit to hit the fan. So frankly, we think Courtney’s done all right under the circumstances. Plus, you know she makes any party a "par-tay."
Verdict: Take us to “Court”ney love.

<strong>Tina Turner vs. Beyoncé</strong>- As awesome as Beyoncé is, there’s just no comparison to the sexy tower of power that is Tina Turner. Beyoncé might be hotter, but Tina’s been giving little boys hard-ons for 30 years. We’ve got a hunch that the rules she laid down to Mel Gibson in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome were taken directly from her bedroom, "Two men enter, one man leaves."
Verdict: What’s Love Got to Do With It?

<strong>Whitney Houston vs. Britney Spears</strong>- Both Whitney and Britney got into the game while still in their training bras, and rode into fame’s spotlight with conservative, wholesome images. Whitney showed the world she had a bad side when she married wack-job Bobby Brown. Britney showed the world she can one-up anyone in the game of crazy when she married "rapper" K-Fed, flashed her beav to the world, got a tattoo and then shaved her head in response to her mom's request that she go to rehab.
Verdict: Britney, baby, one more time.

<strong>Baby Celine vs. Vegas Celine</strong>- Celine is royalty in Canada. And, much like royalty, at the age of 14 she was married off to a man 20 years her senior. She’s currently getting paid a $100 million a year to sing karaoke in Vegas. She loves her fans, but admits she rarely leaves her hotel because she’s reportedly "afraid of their germs." Apparently someone's heart will only go on if it's wrapped in sanitary napkins.
Verdict: At this table, everybody loses.

<strong>Queen Latifah vs. Mary J. Blige</strong>- Aside from being a kick-ass MC and basically a totally badass chick, Latifah just wrote a kid’s book encouraging young girls to accomplish their goals. Of course Blige says things like, “My God is a God who wants me to bling. My God says, ‘Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year.'”
Verdict: Give the Queen her throne!

<strong>KD Lang vs. Sheryl Crow</strong>- We’re sorry, but every time we see the letters KD together we think of neon yellow macaroni and "cheese", and the inevitable regret after inhaling an entire box at five in the morning.
Verdict: Sheryl “I rode with Lance Armstrong” Crow.

<strong>Bette Midler vs. Christina Aguilera</strong>- These gals are like souped-up rides; they cover themselves in colorful upholstery and elaborate paint jobs. Aggie’s got better curves, and Bette made our girlfriends make us watch Beaches.
Verdict: Don't Bette against Christina.

<strong>Chaka Khan vs. Gwen Stefani</strong>- Chaka first sang in a funk band named Rufus, and Gwen first sang in a punk band with a doofus named Tony Kanal. Chaka Khan has more Grammys, but Gwen Stefani’s responsible for more stiff hammies than Uncle Wilbur’s slaughterhouse.
Verdict: She ain’t no holler-back girl.

<strong>The Judds vs. Dixie Chicks</strong>- If only the Judds were called the Juggs and they lived up to their name, maybe this one would be a closer call. But they’re not. So it’s not a close call at all.
Verdict: The Bush bashing, titillatingly titled Dixie Chicks by a country mile.

<strong>Dolly Parton vs. Faith Hill</strong>- Aside from the fact that Dolly’s sweater kittens have their own postal code, she’s a good actress and damn funny (“It costs a lot of money too look this cheap!”). Hello, Dolly! (Did we mention she has gi-normous breasts?)
Verdict: Two giant eggs, over easy.