Next summer--when hot, sticky, weather causes you and your special lady to fight over every dumb thing going-- arm yourself with these news stories and emerge victorious every time!
You came home late from the bar.
Your argument: People were buying you drinks, so you couldn't leave!
News you can use: In March 2008, Richard Lee Thompson killed a fellow bar drinker with a pool cue over an argument that started when the victim refused Thompson's offer of a free beer.
Moral: Refusing free drinks can be deadly!
You left the toilet seat up.
Your argument: You're leaving it up for her safety!
News you can use: In November 2008, Kathleen Hewko fell into the bowl of a Starters sports bar toilet after the seat cracked, stranding her there for 20 minutes and permanently injuring her back.
Moral: Putting the toilet seat down can be deadly!
You won't ask for directions.
Your argument: It's safer to just look at the map. Even the wrong map!
News you can use: In October 2009, a 23-year-old New Zealand man was stabbed outside a bar after asking for directions back to his car, barely surviving the attack.
Moral: Asking for directions can be deadly!
You stupidly happened to agree that, sure, maybe you'd be OK with it if her boobs were a little bigger.
Your argument: It's for her protection!
News you can use: In July 2009, Lydia Carranza was shot point blank in the chest, surviving only because one of her size-D breast implants absorbed the bullet's impact.
Moral: Not having big boobs can be deadly!
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