Randall Simon
An instant classic. During an infamous sausage race in Milwaukee, the Pirates first baseman reached out and hit the woman in the Italian sausage costume with his bat. She fell and scraped her knee, he was charged with disorderly conduct and fined $432. Ever classy, the wiener girl didn't press charges, instead calling Simon's move "kind of funny."

 

A FLORIDA MARLINS BATBOY
Does no one have a sense of humor anymore? Two years ago, Penny offered a Marlins batboy 500 bucks if he could drink a gallon of milk in under an hour without throwing up. Shockingly, he could not. The Marlins suspended the batboy, resulting in six days of lost wages.

Vince Coleman
Mere months after hurting Dwight Gooden's arm by practicing his golf swing in the clubhouse, the Mets' Coleman threw a lit M-100 into a crowd of autograph seekers, injuring three people (including a 3-year-old girl). Vince's $1,000 fine was court-ordered, as were his 200 hours of community service. Man, we miss the '90s.

 

Ozzie Guillen
You know someone's been really naughty when he's fined an "undisclosed amount." That fate befell White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen when he charmingly referred to Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti as a "fag." We hate to preach, Ozzie, but you were wrong. If you've ever seen Mariotti on Around the Horn, it's obvious that he's a douche.

Don Zimmer and Pedro Martinez
A bench-clearing brawl in a Red Sox–Yankees game wasn't the weird part. No, we'd say it was the 72-year-old Zimmer charging the mound to get a piece of Pedro Martinez. Scratch that. It was actually Pedro channeling his inner WWE star, grabbing Zimmer by the head and throwing him to the ground. Zimmer's fine? $5,000. Pedro's fine? $50,000. The memories? Priceless.