5. Lenny Dykstra's poster

Bo Jackson had a ton of success with in the poster arena (okay, maybe not with this one), so Mets/Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra must've thought he could hop on that money train and cash in. Only problem was, "Nails" produced one of the most homoerotic pro-sports posters of all time. (Hard to believe that poor business decisions would later cause Dykstra to live out of his car, right?) Oh, to be a fly on the locker-room wall when this thing came off the printing press...

 

 

4. Wayne Gretzsky's doll

Gaaah, why couldn't the Great One's jersey been retired before this atrocity from Mattel hit toy-store shelves in 1983? Were any boys truly clamoring for a Barbie-esque Gretzky doll? To make matters worse, most of these probably ended up with kid sisters, who used them as someone for Ken to defend Barbie from. Hell, they coulda made a Marty McSorley doll for that.

 

 

3. Godzilla vs. Barkley: the comic

The 1992 Nike commercial with Godzilla and a giant-sized Sir Charles playing a heated one-on-one game in the streets of Tokyo was cool; the one-shot comic, released months after the spot stopped airing, took 30 seconds of fun and stretched it out into 48 pages of tedious stupidity. No wonder Barkley was so adamant about not being called a role model; no one should aspire to trade barbs with a giant lizard. But the comic redeemed itself somewhat for providing us with this one amazing image:

 

 

2. Deion Sanders' album

deion sanders primetime album cover

"Prime Time," "Neon Deon," "Smug Asshole" ... the man's earned many nicknames, but "Successful Rapper" isn't one of them, thank Christ. After making waves for playing both pro baseball and football surprisingly well (he's still the only man to play in both the World Series and the Super Bowl), Sanders made a bid for music stardom in 1995. But due to his nasal flow (if you can call it that), singles "Must Be the Money" and "Prime Time Keeps on Ticking" went nowhere. Wearing his pajamas on his album cover didn't do him any favors, either.

 

 

1. Shaq Fu

"Seriously? Shaq friggin' Fu? This is how you thank us after being tolerant of your attempts at rapping?" O'Neal could've used an entire case of Icee Hot patches once the reviews for this 1994 game started pouring in. Time certainly hasn't been kind to it, either; it's widely considered the worst fighting game of all time, and there's even a website devoted to tracking down all copies of the game and destroying them. This one needed a "Fatality" before it left the brainstorming session between Shaq, his agent and a mental patient who happened to wander in.

 

 

Honorable Mention: NFL Superpro

There's not an individual athlete to blame for this atrocity, but rather the House of Ideas. Comics were a hot commodity in 1991, and the NFL wanted to cash in and create their own original superhero property. Marvel Comics partnered up with the League, and delivered a guy in football armor who battled bad guys like "Instant Replay." The book's long-suffering writer, Fabian Nicieza, has admitted that he only accepted the gig in order to score free Super Bowl tix. We hope they were worth a lifetime of jeers from the sidelines.