Jim Riggleman, Seattle Mariners
As we understand it, the best candidate for the “designated hitter” position is a player who can “hit.” Yet there was crusty ol’ Rigglehead the other day, noting how he’s “just kind of using [the DH spot] just to try to have some contact in that spot, and maybe be able to move some runners and hit and run and that kind of stuff, get some at-bats for some guys. It’s not a classic DH spot where we’re looking for our DH to give us 25 to 30 home runs and 100 RBIs, that’s just not what we are.” Jesus, there are species of plant fauna that might perform as well as Jose Vidro has in the DH role this season, but Riggleman still believes in the magic of batless sprites who “move some runners.” How does this guy have a job in baseball and we don’t? JACKASS.

Alexi Casilla, Minnesota Twins
The situation: men on first and second, one out. Yankees catcher Jose Molina hits a double-play ball so clean and obvious that the outfielders start heading toward the dugout. Casilla, however, has it in his head that there are two outs… and casually tags second base, not even bothering to throw to first. Did we mention that Molina runs like a one-legged deer, or that Casilla could have heeded the shouts of his teammates and completed the double play with yards to spare? No? Anyway, the next batter inevitably cleared the bases with a double and the Twins lost. FAIL.

Drayton McLane Jr., Houston Astros
If you’re 12 games back with only 60 left to play in one of the game’s two toughest divisions, your only rational move is to punt on the current season. “Rational,” however, isn’t in ‘Stros owner Drayton McLane’s playbook. Hence the Astros not only further mortgaged their future for a pitcher who should do little to help them catch up this year, but also one spectacularly unsuited to pitch in Houston’s teensy li’l ballpark: Padre evacuee Randy Wolf boasts a 6.63 ERA and a .296 BAA on the road. If the Astros contend again before 2013, it’ll be a major miracle. McLane ain’t sellin’ anytime soon, either. STUPID DUMMYHEAD STUPID STUPID STUPID.