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5 Things We Learned From NFL Week 9

Cancer, hurricane Sandy, and short-man’s disease…it’s an almost football-free week of football observations!

1 - Having Your House Flooded and The State You Play In Destroyed Will Make It Difficult To Pass A Football
NY Giants QB Eli Manning had an awful game in a loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers this week (10-24, 125 yards). But to be fair, this is what his apartment building looked like after hurricane Sandy. And this is what New Jersey looks like still today, so cut the guy a little slack.

Photo: UPI / John Angelillo / Landov | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

2 - Don’t Call Aaron Rodgers Short
While the Green Bay Packers are on a roll, winning their last four contests, Aaron Rodgers took to 60 Minutes on Sunday to explain that he doesn’t like to be called short. Coming out of high school at 5’11” and 180 lbs., nobody thought Rodgers would have a college career, let alone a professional one. Then, after finally making it to a college team and into the NFL draft, he dropped to the 24th overall pick after being projected in the top five. Needless to say, Rodgers might have a Wisconsin-sized chip on his shoulder. And on the 60 Minutes episode, they catch a fan telling Rodgers, “I thought you’d be bigger.” It does not end well.

3 - The NFL Just Did Sean Payton a Huge Favor
Because of a fishy out-clause in his contract extension with the New Orleans Saints, Sean Payton is a free agent once his Bounty Gate suspension ends at the end of this season. While it’s certainly possible that Payton would like to send a huge screw you to the commissioner and the rest of the league by re-signing with the Saints and contending for a Super Bowl, another likely scenario has the offensive genius going to Dallas. Cowboys coach Jason Garrett is on the hot seat with a mediocre season and ginger complexion, and Payton is an NFC East veteran (he was the Giants’ offensive coordinator) and a hot commodity that insane human parody Jerry Jones can afford.

4 - So Chicago Looks Like The Best Team In The League?
The Bears just trounced the Titans 51-20, no-chin wonder Jay Cutler has thrown just two interceptions in the last five games (for him, that’s miracle-level), and they’re currently well ahead of the Packers for control of the NFC North at 7-1.

5 - If Your Head Coach Gets Cancer, Your Team Will Do Great
Andrew Luck just set the single game, all-time passing record for a rookie in the Colts’ win against the Dolphins. Indianapolis is now 5-3 and contending for a playoff spot just one year from losing maybe the best quarterback ever. Now, we’re not saying that head coach Chuck Pagano getting leukemia and leaving the team for treatment is the explanation for the Colts success, but it’s certainly inspired the team to overachieve in ways nobody expected…which kind of sounds like we’re saying that head coach Chuck Pagano getting leukemia and leaving the team for treatment is the cause for the Colts success. Yes, we are aware that we’re going to hell.

Here's what we learned from NFL Week 8.
Screw the NFL, show me girls.