Comedy Central duo Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele on their last day on Earth.
How do you want to go?
Key: I would prefer to go falling from a great height into the arms of my wife. There, see, it started out like a Maxim question and then it ended up being a real romantic question.
Peele: I would love to go in a puddle of candy. Just die in a bed of Now & Laters and Blow Pop goo.
Do you have any deathbed confessions?
K: I’d like to confess that this is a deathbed. Some people have to go to the hospital, but I knew it the whole time.
P: I registered as a sex offender so families with kids wouldn’t move into my neighborhood.
What’s your last meal?
K: My last meal would be baked Alaska with a side of baked Alaska and then for dessert I’d have some baked Alaska.
P: Refer to question number 1.
What’s the funniest Key and Peele sketch that never made it on air?
K: “Hole in the Face,” about the guy who had a hole for a face and the other guy didn’t want to come across as rude, so he invites him to have a drink. See, already it doesn’t sound that funny.
P: A Mr. T PSA, where he reveals all his insecurities about his hair, and he has the line: “One’s hair is the artwork he presents to the heavens.”
When did you most wish you had a Luther the Anger Translator in your life?
K: That’s easy. Every day.
P: We met the president, and he told us he needs Luther. I wish we had Luther for him at the moment.
You guys are producing the upcoming Police Academy remake. If you spend eternity with sound-effects wiz Michael Winslow, will it be heaven or hell?
K: I don’t know why you’d even ask if that’d be heaven or hell. Of course that would be heaven!
P: We did a sketch called “Bobby McFerrin vs. Michael Winslow,” and he is a fan, so wherever we go, we’ll probably end up together. Reggie Watts, who does our theme song, is our own personal Michael Winslow.
Which comedy legends will you hang out with in the afterlife?
K: I would have lunch every day with Richard Pryor and Peter Sellers.
P: Keegan-Michael Key and, hopefully, “Moms” Mabley.
What have you spent the most money on in your life?
K: The house I’m sitting in, and I’m still spending that money.
P: Video games, candy, and weed.
Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again.
K: I’m so glad I’ll never have to do singing telegrams again. I will do anything to make sure I don’t get relegated to that occupation ever again.
P: Raise my hand to ask a question.
What’s the craziest thing you ever did here on Earth?
K: I’m gonna go with jumping off a rock into the mouth of a cave in the middle of the Aegean Sea.
P: It’s all things that characters in video games have done, like slayed a bunch of zombies and that kinda stuff.
Got any last words?
K: Check with me in about 57 years. That’s my plan: I want to live to be 107.
P: “Hello, is this Domino’s? I’d like to order a large pie with a cheesy crust.”
Season four of Key and Peele launches September 24 on Comedy Central.
More on Maxim.com:
Chris Lilley Is the Center of His Own Universe
Michael Madsen Is a Busy Bad Guy