Listen in on what Breaking Bad’s loyal sidekick has got cooking for his final day...bitch!
Illustrated for Maxim by Andy MacGregor | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
How do you want to go?
I would like to go peacefully. Maybe lying in a hammock on an island somewhere after eating a bunch of coconuts.
Do you have any deathbed confessions?
I hate musicals. There, I said it.
Will you be going to heaven or hell, and why?
I’m not really sure about all that—I’m getting cremated.
What if you had to spend eternity in an RV with Bryan Cranston in his tighty-whities? Is that heaven or hell?
Is that a serious question? Heaven, of course.
What’s your last meal?
Pizza and root beer.
You were once a contestant on The Price Is Right. What’s the ultimate final prize you’d want to win?
To have Bob Barker be my personal butler and chef for eternity. That and maybe an island.
Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again on Earth.
Pay for gas.
What’s the wildest thing you ever did while you were alive?
I rode a shark once. I wouldn’t recommend it. It was fun, but I thought I was going to get eaten the entire time! Nothing against sharks. I love sharks. I just don’t think we are meant to ride them.
If you could come back and spy on someone who’s still alive, who would it be and why?
I’d spy on my wife and make sure she’s mourning just enough but not too much. And then I would come back and haunt her—not in a bad, scary way, but in a good way, like, “Hey, babe, I love you so much and miss you, but don’t get scared and judge me…because I’m dead!”
Who would be a more irritating partner for all of eternity, Badger or Skinny Pete?
Man, that’s a tough one. I think maybe Badger would be more annoying. I find Skinny Pete to be kind of charming and endearing. Breaking Bad fans, you know what I’m talking about!
What woman did you always want to sleep with?
I’m not going to answer that question.
What are people saying over your casket?
Hopefully anything but “finally” in a soft whisper.
Got any last words? (Hints about how Breaking Bad is going to end?)
Ha! I’m not telling you anything about the show! I would say, “It’s been a fun ride. Thanks for having me to the party.” And to my beautiful wife, “I will miss you forever, my pretty little bird. I can’t wait to haunt the shit out of you!”
Breaking Bad is back Sundays on AMC at 9 p.m.
Check out our interview with David Wain and the promo for the James Franco Comedy Central Roast.