How to Determine Whether or Not Your Girlfriend is Real

Are you paying attention, Manti Te’o?

Are you paying attention, Manti Te’o?

Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty

With the bizarre Manti Te’o girlfriend hoax story continuing to unravel, Maxim has put together a brief questionairre designed to help you avoid becoming the victim of a Catfish-style romance with someone who doesn’t exist. You’re welcome.

Have you ever met your supposed girlfriend?

If not, you are probably the victim of an elaborate Internet scam and do not have a real girlfriend. (In fact, this is typically the most important indicator.)

Do you fight about nothing all the time?

Fake girlfriends don’t start frivolous fights; it’s hard enough pretending to be a real person. If everything you do or say ignites a shitstorm, chances are you have a real girlfriend.

Who’s more sketchy about responding to texts and emails, you or her?

If it’s you, you probably have a real girlfriend. If she’s the one avoiding you, then “she” is probably a middle-aged man with an Internet connection and a crippling mood disorder.

Did your “girlfriend” tell you she was dying of Leukemia, only to resurface and call you at work a few months later?

That sounds like you have an ex-girlfriend, which is a completely different species altogether.

Are you sexually active?

If not, you probably have a girlfriend—or more likely, a wife. Sorry, buddy.

The Manti Te’o Conundrum

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