10 Real Life House Party Atrocities
The wild teens of Project X have nothing on these bullet-riddled, vomit-covered, riot police-attracting disasters.
From Kid ‘N Play to Project X, there is nothing Hollywood likes better than to gather teens in a confined space, douse them with alcohol, and light a match. But, of course, art imitates life, and nothing done in the service of teen comedy can top the WTFs, facepalms, and OMGs that have befallen real life house parties.
10. Twenty Criminals “Like” This Party
Two guys in Rochester, New York in summer 2011 decided to invite a small gathering of close friends to their house to celebrate their parents’ decision to leave town. All was well until an errant Facebook post – likely something along the lines of “Mellow and nonviolent party at my bros house, hope no one else shows up” – caused approximately 20 uninvited guests to storm the gates. Stolen jewelry, Xboxes, TVs, and threats of violence ensured. Also? Police.
9. Grab ass = Gun play
When an unruly party-goer grabbed a girl’s butt during a Washington state house party in January 2011, the ensuing fistfight with her boyfriend should have been the end of the story, right? What do you think this is? The 1950s? No, shortly after Mr. Handsy was ejected, he and several other men returned to the house and fired 16 shots through the front door, sending one guy to the hospital.
8. Girl Throws a “Trash My House” Party, Inevitability Ensues
A 17-year-old girl’s modest house party in Durham, England (she claims she “only” invited about 60 people and 2 DJs) exploded into a 200-person near-riot that caused over £20,000’s worth of damage to her house (with that exchange rate, that’s about Holy Crap Dollars). The terrified girl (whose parents were away on a camp holiday, because they’re English) claimed “hackers” took to her MySpace page and tempted revelers with promises of sex, drugs, booze, and ample trashing opportunities.
7. Up the Academy
A well-to-do California teen in 1993 was facing banishment to military school by his exasperated parents. Rather than, say, run away or attempt to curb his behavior, he handed out house keys to several friends and told them to invite anyone they wanted to come and trash his parents’ house. We’re guessing that only expedited the enrollment process.
6. Blame the Four Loko!
The only thing that can ruin a party faster than gunshots and K9 units is nine partygoers being rushed to the hospital. But what turned those Central Washington University students into doubled-over vomit sprinklers? Not the bean dip – they all claimed they were poisoned by the alcoholic energy drink Four Loko (essentially a caffeinated malt liquor). One of the students had a BAC of 0.35 – for the record, 0.30 is considered potentially lethal, and 0.41 makes you Amy Winehouse.
5. You’re Supposed to Get Shivved in Prison
A “Welcome Home from Jail” party in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania ended abruptly when five people were stabbed. The guest of honor wasn’t quoted, but we imagine he really appreciated the lengths his friends went to make his transition as seamless as possible.
4. Sensing a Pattern Here?
Party planners with access to Facebook are like six year-olds with access to the gun cabinet. What made this particular 2010 event in Mayfair, England all the more special was the fact that the planners were squatters living in an abandoned £10 million mansion. When told they had to vacate the premises immediately, they hit the social network wires and invited people to come and take the mansion down with them (they called it a “Night of Mayhem”). The resulting melee required riot squads, who feared the aging mansion would collapse under the sheer weight of all the fun.
3. Andrew Jackson Trashes the White House
These days, presidents don’t know how to party. Stately balls and correspondents’ dinners? Screw that noise. Our seventh president, Andrew Jackson, partied like it was 1829. Not only did he cram so many people into his new digs during his inauguration bash that he had to escape through the window, he once invited the whole country over to help him eat a 1,400-pound wheel of cheese (which he had gotten as a gift). The resulting curd orgy stunk up the White House so badly, the funk was still hanging in the air when Martin Van Buren moved in.
2. Blood, Sweat and Tears? Try Blood, Urine and Food. (And Tears)
A Bridgewater, Massachusetts couple wanted to fly to Paris without their 18 year-old son. They dropped him with neighbors, gave him a key so that he could “keep an eye on the house,” and headed to BaguetteLand. What could go wrong? Only a scene that caused a local police officer to remark, “I’ve never seen anything like it in my career.” Not just $45,000 worth of damage, but a house covered in blood, urine, feces, and spoiled food that sat around for two days before being reported.
1. No Worries, Mate
Taking advantage of his parents’ being out of town, Aussie teen Corey Worthington and 500 of his closest friends trashed not only his house but most of the surrounding neighborhood. But what gives Corey’s tale that extra something special is that this dude took not giving a shit to a ninja-like level – and a pierced nippled, sunglassed Internet star was born.