10 Superheroes Who Don’t Have Their Shit Together
The Wolverine is tearing up theaters right now, and even after all this time, it seems like our favorite hairy Canadian still can’t keep a lid on his problems. In the superhero world, though, he’s hardly the only one…
The Wolverine is tearing up theaters right now, and even after all this time, it seems like our favorite hairy Canadian still can’t keep a lid on his problems. In the superhero world, though, he’s hardly the only one…
Wolverine
Courtesy of 20th Century Fox
When you accidentally kill your own dad, cause your mom to kill herself, get your memory wiped through a series of incredibly painful experiments, and constantly wake up from bad dreams with your claws skewering the women you care about, nobody really expects you to keep a cool head, ever. And Wolvie doesn’t disappoint. He’s fueled by vengeance, he barely remembers who his allies are. In short, he’s a rage-ball of unbreakable metal and inimitable fury, with a whole lot of hair and cigar smoke rolled in for good measure. Screw what Kermit said; it’s not easy being Wolverine.
Tony Stark
Courtesy of Paramount Pictures
Like most geniuses, Tony Stark felt unloved by daddy dearest, and by the time he found out that wasn’t actually the case, he was pretty well set in his scatterbrained, billionaire, genius, philanthropist superhero ways. Lucky for Tony, he not only has the money to hire an assistant like Pepper Potts to keep his social life on track and his social interactions (somewhat) civil, he also has the most enviable, helpful AI in the Marvel universe with Jarvis. Tony may not have his shit together, but Jarvis definitely helps master the chaos.
Deadpool
Courtesy of 20th Century Fox
Everyone’s favorite Marvel wisecracker, Deadpool isn’t just horribly disfigured; he’s clinically diagnosed as mentally unstable. Best part? He was mentally unstable before he was mutated to have Wolverine’s regenerative abilities. End result? Any attempt to fix Deadpool means he’ll be “healed” back to his mentally unstable state. Good thing he’s awesome, and we wouldn’t change a thing about the most fun mercenary in all of comics.
Jean Grey
Courtesy of 20th Century Fox
Jean Grey herself might be one of Professor X’s most timid pupils but that’s not accounting for the fact that, repressed in the depths of her mind, is an entirely separate, ultimately powerful persona that everyone likes to call The Phoenix. It’s basically the mother of all superhero schizophrenias. When The Phoenix comes out, Jean (and all self-control) takes a backseat and people in the vicinity wind up indiscriminately getting vaporized.
Rorschach
Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures
The son of a prostitute and some dude, Walter Kovacs had a rough go of it early on, only to find his calling in masked crime-fighting. He started out with a Batman-esque code to not kill, but the world is a brutal place, and sometimes that requires equally brutal tactics…and a shape-shifting mask. Anybody whose entire superhero persona is built on a psychological test definitely belongs on this list.
Robin
Courtesy of Warner Bros.Pictures
We don’t care who you are, if the earliest part of your life is spent being part of a circus attraction, well-adjusted is not a term that applies to you. Top off your circus upbringing by watching the death of your parents at the hands of a mafia boss, then being raised by this guy, and all bets are off.
John Constantine
Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures
The power of Christ might compel you but, when you’re a magical con-man who messes with the worst dudes from Hell, it’s likely you’ll end up a chain-smoking anti-hero like Constantine. Immersing yourself in the world of the occult, you’re gonna see some bad shit. Constantine has seen it all – including the horrors of the shitty, shitty movie they made about him where he inexplicably got turned into an American played by Keanu Reeves – and he’s definitely worse for the wear.
The Punisher
Courtesy of Lionsgate Entertainment
Murdered wife – check. Murdered children – check. Stint in ‘Nam – check. Frank Castle, aka The Punisher, is a PTSD poster boy, and uses some creative methods to find an outlet for that stress, namely, dismantling crime syndicates on six continents, one goon at a time. And to think, the guys at the VFW just shoot pool to vent their frustrations.
The Thing
Courtesy of 20th Century Fox
For all intents and purposes, Ben Grimm should have his shit together. A full-scholarshipped engineering student, marine, and pilot, Ben turned into the rock monster, The Thing, after a too-close brush with cosmic radiation. We’d like to see how long you’d keep your cool if you couldn’t pick up a beer without crushing the can. Maybe the reason it’s always clobbering time for The Thing is because he can never enjoy Miller Time.
Blade
Courtesy of New Line Cinemas
Of everyone on this list, Blade is actually the most regimented, disciplined, and reliable. But then that whole “being part vampire” thing catches up to him and he basically devolves into a junkie looking for a fix. And if there was anyone who does NOT have their shit together, it’s a junkie. If we found Blade in an alley somewhere looking to turn tricks for a vial like DiCaprio in Basketball Diaries, well, we wouldn’t be at all surprised.
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