12 Superheroes Who Should Be On ’70s Vans
Forget the coyote howling over the desert moonscape, we’d take these sweet rides anyday.
Is it just us, or do some of Marvel and DC’s characters just look more at home splashed on the exterior of a van from the Me Decade than they do on the pages of funnybooks? (You’ll definitely agree once the first trailer for Kenneth Branagh’s Thor movie hits in a few months.) We decided to put two and two together, and here’s what we came up with.
12. Dazzler
Like shag carpeting and VD, Dazzler owes her entire existence to disco.
11. ROM: Spaceknight
A walking car battery armed to the teeth with techno-weaponry? In space, no one can hear you scream “Hell yes!”
10. Dr. Strange
The lava lamp of superheroes, we’re actually shocked that every issue of Dr. Strange doesn’t smell like cumin and massage oil.
9. Man-Wolf
“Hey, man, those howling wolves you have on your back window are OK, I guess. Me? I’m rocking a MOTHERF-ING WEREWOLF SPACE BARBARIAN on mine. Yeah, I know…it’s pretty boss…”
8. Brute Force
No, that’s not an acid flashback. What you are seeing is, truly, a robotic dolphin with an uzi. This van clearly belongs to the Mr. Frosty of weed dealers.
7. Thor
Fun fact: This van’s stereo only plays Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.” At full blast.
6. Lobo
Iron Maiden’s Eddie is a decent start, but if you really want to metal-up your ride, you slap on this alien bounty hunter. He’s like a gamma-irradiated Gene Simmons.
5. Shang-Chi: The Master of Kung-Fu
Remember, grasshopper, a warrior’s true strength is his mind. And a karate master’s true home is the back of his van, so make with the waxing!
4. Ghost Rider
If Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider to gain his Spider-Man powers, what happened to Ghost Rider? Was he bitten by the display wall of the Purple Rose Tattoo Parlor in Phoenix?
3. Warlord
The guy behind the wheel of this bad boy brings his own 20-sided die to the party, thank you very much.
2. Silver Surfer
You can just see that side door opening up, and Jeff Spicoli piling out in a haze of smoke, can’t you? Expect to see this parked in the main lot at Latigo Beach permanently.
1. Power Pack
“Hey, kids! I have a rare issue of Power Pack inside, called ‘Power Pack and the Miserable Kid Who Always Tattled to His Mommy.’ Want to read it? Hop in! Who wants candy?”
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