In the innocent days before Miley took her pants off, lust was personified by rock gods with tight pants, elaborate hair, and an indulgent attitude toward groupies. These deities have traditionally been unapologetic about their predilections off stage and oddly euphemistic about their desires on stage (the exception being Frank Zappa, who sang this). This is why there are a lot of rock stars who sing about desert and very few fat rock stars - also why no one thinks the classic Robert Plant lyric “Squeeze me baby, 'til the juice runs down my leg” is about citrus.
Here are the strangest double entendres and what they mean.
Little Willy- Poison
Willy shrinks up when the girls get chilly/
Takes a whole lot of lovin' just to warm up willy/
Willy, don't cry, Willy, go zip up your fly
Translation: The singer is one of the millions of American men who suffer from ED.
Squeeze-Box- The Who
Mama's got a squeeze box/
Daddy never sleeps at night/
She goes in and out and in and out/
and in and out and in and out
Translation: The singer is suggesting that an amply endowed woman satisfies her husband with her most notable assets. He is either a bit confused about pronouns or this song is dirtier than we initially thought.
Dragon Attack- Queen
She don't take no prisoners/
Gonna give me the business/
Got a dragon on my back/
It's a dragon attack
Translation: Freddie Mercury was into “Game of Thrones” before it was cool.
Cat Scratch Fever- Ted Nugent
Well, I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand/
They know they gettin' it from me/
They know just where to go when they need their lovin' man/
They know I'm doin' it for free/
I give them cat scratch fever
Translation: The singer implies that he excels at satisfying women with his hands, but his description implies that women are just humoring him.
Cherry Pie- Warrant
She's my cherry pie/
Cool drink of water/
Such a sweet surprise/
Tastes so good/
Make a grown man cry/
Sweet Cherry Pie
Translation: The singer is a giving lover.
Walking the Dog- The Rolling Stones
Walking the dog/
I'm just a walking the dog/
If you don't know how to do it/
I'll show you how to walk the dog
Translation: The singer wishes to “do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.”
Hey now baby, get into my big black car/
I just want to show you what my politics are/
I'm a political man and I practice what I preach/
So don't deny me baby, not while you're in my reach
Translation: Given the implication that the singer is luring a woman into his car, he’s probably a democrat.
Ice Cream Man- Van Halen
I'm your ice cream man, baby, stop me when I'm passin' by/
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Translation: The singer believes that the woman he’s addressing will enjoy the fruits of her labor if her labor consists of fellating him. He’s probably wrong and strangely egotistical.
Oh my God here U are/
Prettiest thing in life I've ever seen/
Close my eyes what's it like/
What's it like inside your tambourine?
Translation: Prince is awful at euphemisms.
Custard Pie- Led Zeppelin
Your custard pie, yeah/
I declare you're sweet and nice like your custard pie/
When you cut it, mama... mama, please save me a slice/
Oh, I chew on a piece of your custard pie.
Translation: Hopefully this is a song about pie. If it isn’t, we’re confused and horrified.
Ice Cream Man- Tom Waits
Show me you can smile/
baby just for me/
Fix you with a drumstick/
I'll do it for free/
'Cause I'm the ice cream man/
I'm a one-man band/
I'm the ice cream man, honey/
I'll be good to you.
Translation: The singer has gone out on a limb and declared himself a fan of oral sex.
Poor Dog (Who Can’t Wag His Own Tail) – Little Richard
The good Lord helped those who helped themselves/
Look at number one before you help somebody else/
Cause it's a poor dog/
Now, it's a poor dog/
It's poor dog/
Who can't wag his own tail
Translation: “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.”
Cheese Cake- Aerosmith
Cheese Cake, looser than her sister/
Cheese Cake...her sugar gets me high/
She knows I can't resist her, Cheese cake/
Got my fingers in her pie, Cheese cake
Translation: Steven Tyler doesn’t know the difference between a cake and a pie.
Keep My Motor Runnin- Eddie Money
My so-called friends keep a-hangin' out/
Everybody's crazy when my girl comes out/
Tryin' to steal my cookies/
Tryin' to take them from my cookie jar
Translation: No idea.
Tend My Garden- James Gang
I'm home grown, growin' my own/
and I need ya, need ya to beg my pardon/
to tend my garden
Translation: The singer would like his lover to trim his pubic hair.
Love Gun- KISS
You pull the trigger of my/
Love gun, love gun, love gun
Translation: The singer feels that the ability to write great lyrics is overrated.
The Beast- Twisted Sister
This killer knows his business/
He is the predator/
You are his only target/
You're his only goal/
What will you say what will you do?/
Your wildest nightmare's comin' true.
Translation: The singer has a terrifying penis.
Photos by George Rose / Getty Images