The 2013 NFL Big 5: Conference Playoffs!

There can only be one. Well, two.

The new NFL week is here and with it comes chaos. Fortunately, Maxim is here to help you navigate these uncharted waters with five predictions that will undoubtedly (or just maybe) come true.

Big Upset – New England over Denver

As much as everyone outside the top right of America wants this to not happen, the Patriots belong in the Super Bowl. Why is that? So we can all have someone to root against, of course! Belichick, with his semi-human glare, makes an ideal villain; way more than the miraculously recovered heart of John Fox or Peyton Manning, America’s favorite son (probably Archie’s favorite son too).

Big Performance – Julian Edelman

After resorting to the run a remarkably un-Belichickian amount of times, Brady will likely come out throwing against a Broncos defense that he can pick apart fairly easily. When you’re down a Gronk and a big play threat, Ol’ Faithful Julian Edelman will be catching a lot of passes over the middle and bruising his already-bruised brain even more.

Big Flop – Colin Kaepernick

Whether it’s due to adrenaline or Jim Harbaugh screaming even louder than usual, the 49ers have a way of turning it on in the playoffs. On their third consecutive trip to the NFC Championship, they are waltzing into Seattle, one of the most brutal places to win in the NFL. They are also facing a rival coach who knows how to bottle up a QB, which has been the Niners’ “Get out of third down free card” this month.

Big Storyline – Manning vs. Brady

The saga continues! Which one can make it to the next round? Which one is a more hard-nosed, old-school National Football League player? Which one is the better leader? Which one is friendlier to neighborhood kids? Which one bakes a better cinnamon and currant scone? Which one is the more tender love-maker? All of these questions and more will be answered during incessant ESPN coverage this week.

Big Stinker – Dan Dierdorf

In his last game behind the mic, the former Cardinal was unable to produce the Patriots-crushing miracle that he’s previously been happy to. Way to go out with a whimper, Dan.

Photos by Grant Halverson/ Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014