How will you die?
Paraskiing, forgot my chute, put my skis on backward…so the rescuers just shake their heads and laugh.
I was a total fake and fraud. But you knew that already, didn’t you? Thanks for keeping it under your hat.
A shrimp burrito from Tacos Delta on West Sunset—cheap little taco stand, the best.
To whom on Earth do you owe an apology, and for what?
Everybody I ever gave advice to, so…everybody.
Which of the seven deadly sins gave you the most trouble?
It’s either sloth or pride. Sloth not because I didn’t use a lot of elbow grease but because I could’ve done more. And pride because I have often been Mr. Pride. In fact, I’ve been voted Mr. Pride ’75, ’79, ’84, ’87–’93, and again ’95–’98!
What do you know now that you didn’t know at 25?
It’s not leading anywhere, so just enjoy it.
What’s a real-life situation in which you would have been better off calling Saul?
Trying to get my security deposit back from a New York landlord. Wasn’t going to happen without a man of Saul’s dexterity.
Saul’s motto was “Better safe than sorry.” What’s yours?
“Let’s do this.”
Are you going to heaven or hell?
I’ll go to a place that is a never-ending, far-as-the-eye-can-see sports bar, tons of screens, every game on Earth, pinball and slot machines, and Sammy Hagar playing round the clock. So…hell.
What’s the craziest thing you ever did here on Earth?
Spent a night on the lip of a volcano off Sicily that exploded every 40 minutes or so. That or the hike I took with an eight-year-old and a six-year-old along the trail beside the Grand Canyon. That was insane and horrible.
Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again.
Walk the trail beside the Grand Canyon with an eight-year-old and a six-year-old.
What would you like to be reincarnated as?
Definitely a hawk—you get to fly real strong and slow way up in the sky, and you get to eat all the raw rat meat you can catch.
You were the cocreator of Mr. Show. What sketch do you most regret failing to get on the air?
Gay Proud Grampa.
What will it say on your tombstone?
“See? I knew this would happen!”
How will you die?