24 Hours to Live: The Farrelly Brothers

The siblings behind Dumb and Dumber To discuss sequels, virgins, hair gel, and how they’d like to die.

The siblings behind Dumb and Dumber – and now Dumb and Dumber To – have made stupidity into their art and their art into a damn good living. We asked them about what they’ll being doing for their final trick.

So how do you want to go?

Bobby: I’d prefer something quick and simple, like, say, a tire iron to the back of the head.

Peter: Just not on the toilet. Not on the toilet.

Do you have any deathbed confessions?

Bobby: I’m one of those morons who watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Before you leave this world, please answer a question: How do you get the beans above the frank?

Peter: I believe that’s a penis joke, and we write highbrow movies like Howards End and Philomena. Wait, you guys probably have access to IMDb, right? Oh, OK. A bottle of Ketel One vodka, six blue cheese olives, an hour of Bikram yoga, and a 2×4.

Are you going to heaven or to hell?

Bobby: Not sure. But I won’t require 72 virgins when I get there. I’m low maintenance. Two virgins and three sluts should work just fine.

Peter: It would be presumptuous to say, because I don’t know how tight the grading is. But it’s the first time in human history we’re being pummeled with porn at every turn, so I hope they’re grading on a scale.

Which of your movies will be playing in the great beyond?

Bobby: Hopefully Fargo. It’s the one I’ve bragged about the most.

Peter: Fargo.

What have you wasted too much money on?

Bobby: Fast women and slow horses.

Peter: Definitely not Maxim Magazine. At an affordable price of $10.99 U.S. and $14.99 Canadian, it’s a waste not to buy it. [Editor’s note: It’s actually $3.99, wiseass.] I’m not sure why I did a plug for your magazine there. I’m a people pleaser.

Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again on Earth.

Bobby: Listen to Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith discuss sports. 

What music will be playing at your funeral?

Bobby: “Hollaback Girl,” by Gwen Stefani.

Peter: Something by Elvis Costello, because I think my wife is boning him and she could probably get him to play at the service cheap. I hope he goes with “Alison.”

Will there be more laughing or more crying?

Bobby: Either one is fine with me. I’m just afraid of apathy.

Peter: You guys seem pretty obsessed with thinking about us dead. What the fuck’s with that?

Are there fart jokes in the afterlife?

Bobby: Hope not. We’ve used up every one we could think of down here.

I’m looking at your corpses. Is that hair gel?

Peter: Again with the death. No, that’s actual jism. We plan to shoot a load on each other’s ears just before dying. It’s a “brothers thing.”

With you both dead, what will happen to the Dumb and Dumber franchise?

Peter: Our gay cowriter, Bennett Yellin, will continue on without our input, and Harry and Lloyd will finally admit they’re gay, too.

Lloyd and Harry are delivering your eulogies. What would they say?

Bobby: Something dumb. 

Peter: Uh, hello? They’re fictitious characters, numb nuts.

What’s your proudest accomplishment?

Bobby: Taking 20 years before we made a sequel to any of our movies. 

Photos by Carolyn Cole / Los Angeles Times / Contour by Getty Images