24 Hours to Live: Mark-Paul Gosselaar

Mark-Paul Gosselaar tells us how he wants to check out. Hint: it doesn’t involve partying with Screech.

Zack Morris—er, the guy who played him—returns to TV on TNT’s Franklin & Bash. Here he contemplates his last day.

So how do you want to go?

I don’t know, but I’ll probably use Google Maps to get there.

Franklin & Bash marks your second time playing a lawyer. How would you argue your way into the pearly gates of heaven?Have you seen the work I’ve done over the years? There’s no way they’re going to believe I’m a lawyer.

If you could hang out with only one of Zack Morris’ Saved By the Bell friends—the actual characters—in the afterlife, who would it be?

I’m a bit of a narcissist. I’d want to hang out with Zack.

If you were seriously injured in a slip-and-fall accident, would you trust your costar Breckin Meyer to argue your case?

If I were seriously injured, Breckin would have me put down.

Any real-life vices that would result in disbarment?

Well, according to Dustin Diamond’s book, I have a couple.

What will you say to Becky the Duck if you encounter her in the afterlife?

“This is the place where the oil can’t hurt you.”

What’s your last meal?

I have a sudden desire for black-truffle-oil duck confit.

Was there anyone on Earth you wanted to punch in the face?

The Motorola employee who designed the “White Brick.”

As Zack you were famous for scheming. What’s the biggest ploy you’ve gotten

away with in your lifetime?

Fooling fans of SBTB that my over­processed bleached-blond hair was natural.

If you could come back and spy on someone who’s still alive, who would it be and why?

My two kids. I know it’s not one person, but they’re too young for me to decide which one I like better.

What are people saying over your casket?

“It’s a shame that James Van Der Beek had to die.”

Finally, if you could do a Zack-style “time out” in the moment before your death, what would you tell the audience?

“This shit is getting old.”