3 Companies FAU Should Try To Name Their Stadium After Next

The Owls obviously know how to pick ’em, but we want to help.

The Owls obviously know how to pick ’em, but we want to help. 

As you may have previously heard, Florida Atlantic University tried to sell the naming rights to their new stadium to the GEO Group, a private company that builds and runs prisons. Not even good prisons either, like wherever Martha Stewart did her time, but brutal prisons, the kind where toothbrushes are sharpened and Vern Schillinger waits in your cell.

However, the GEO Group had a few “administrative” issues (if by “administrative” you mean being found legally liable for at least one death, which you can read all about on their Wikipedia) and the school decided to call off the deal. It came to light today that the school also flirted with plastering another controversial company’s name on their building: Chick-Fil-A’s.

Since the administration has shown such impeccable judgment, which can be exhausting, we thought we’d give them the day off, and offer several other doors they should knock on to find the perfect stadium suitor.


Who doesn’t love a throwback? Sure, this giant went belly-up in the early 2000s and former President Jeff Skilling isn’t even halfway through his sentence, but if FAU is appealing to prisons for help it’s not a huge leap to think that they might appeal to some prisoners as well. Besides, the Astros took on the name, and look at all the good it did them.

Omni Comsumer Products

This super-corp manufactures something for every single consumer need, with the end goal of turning Detroit into a fully-privatized dystopian city (unless Robocop has something to say about it). They’ll eventually end up taking over the stadium (and the world) anyway, so might as well cough it up now. 

The Trump Organization

Nevermind. No one wants to get in bed with them.

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