The 4 Contestants Who Should Win the Reality Show Determining Who’s Going to Mars

Congratulations, You’ve Been Voted Off The Planet!

In early 2012, Mars One, a not-for-profit group based in the Netherlands, announced that it was looking for a small group of volunteer astronauts to establish a permanent human colony on Mars. The response was overwhelming: More than 200,000 people volunteered for the mission. If all goes according to plan, the chosen few will begin journeying to the Red Planet in 2024 in groups of four, and are expected to return never.

Mars One has since whittled the potential candidates down to 100 (50 men and 50 women), dubbed the “Mars 100.” However, with only 24 slots available, there’s plenty more whittling to be done. Recognizing an opportunity to draw attention – and bucks – to its cause, Mars One has decided to conduct the final phase of the selection process Survivor-style in an upcoming reality TV show. Instead of being voted off an island, contestants will be voted off the only planet in our solar system capable of actually sustaining human life. And the winners are the ones who will be banished.

Of course – in keeping with the reality TV genre – the audience will get to have a hand in the process, which means we’ve already started doing our research. Of the 100 remaining contestants, here are the four we’d like to see on that first one-way flight to Mars – for their good and our own.

Name: Teah

Age: 19

From: Australia

Why She Should Win: Teah’s playful attitude and youthful optimism will help soothe the sense of despair that will cripple her fellow colonizers once the novelty of being on Mars finally wears off. 

Name: Gunther Golob

Age: 39

From: Austria

Why He Should Win: Gunther’s jheri curls are already out of this world. It only makes sense that he should follow.

Name: Maggie

Age: 30

From: United States

Why She Should Win: In the event the colonizers make contact with hostile Martians, Maggie’s samurai sword skills could mean the difference between success and total mission failure.

Name: Ryan

Age: 21

From: United Kingdom

Why He Should Win: Decades of not getting laid here on Earth will make Ryan an unstoppable baby-making machine once tasked with propagating the human species on Mars.