5 Things We Learned From NFL Week 13

The Pro Bowl meets 4chan, Tom Brady surpasses Joe Montana while Wes Welker ties Jerry Rice, and the Panthers can’t even win a coin toss.

The Pro Bowl meets 4chan, Tom Brady surpasses Joe Montana while Wes Welker ties Jerry Rice, and the Panthers can’t even win a coin toss.

1. Tom Brady Just Beat Joe Montana…

…In number of conference championships, with his 10th overall.

2. And Wes Welker Just Tied Jerry Rice…

…In number of games with over 10 receptions (17).

Photo: Troy Taormina / USA Today Sports | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

3. And J.J. Watt Beat Reggie White! Records Gettin’ Broke Everywhere!

The man-beast Houston Texans defensive lineman surpassed Hall of Famer Reggie White in sacks plus passes defensed in a single season. With over 15 in each category, Watt is changing the way we look at his position. While they’ve always been valued in pass defense, it’s the defensive lineman’s capacity as a quarterback concussion machine that usually aides a team’s secondary. An occasional pass batted down was always a bonus. Now, with Watt’s ability to play free safety five feet from the QB, GMs around the league are going to start looking to draft and coach up players able to do the same. While we’ve probably seen the pinnacle of tight end evolution begun with players like Antonio Gates and finished with Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham, we might be witnessing the new generation of hybrid defensive linemen with players like Watt and Jason Pierre-Paul. THAT’S SOME SERIOUS ANALYSIS; NOW, BACK TO DICK JOKES.

4. Internet Polls and Voting Are Just a Bad Idea

You may have heard of Jovan Belcher. The Kansas City Chiefs’ linebacker tragically killed his girlfriend then shot himself in front of his coaches over the weekend. Of course, 4chan is now leading a voting campaign for the Pro Bowl on his behalf. And Belcher is currently leading in votes for linebackers in the AFC. Whether deliberate or not, 4chan might be doing some good here. By keeping Belcher in the news and forcing the NFL to acknowledge him at the Pro Bowl, the usually anarchist website could help bring attention to domestic abuse, mental illness, and suicide among athletes. Which would be pretty considerate of guys who are usually focused on Photoshopping huge penises on Facebook photos of high school kids.

5. LOL The Panthers Can’t Win a Coin Toss

They’ve now lost 13 straight coin tosses. That’s 12 games plus an overtime’s worth. Statistically, teams that win the coin toss win the game 52% of the time, so that might explain Carolina’s disappointing season.

5 Things We Learned from NFL Week 12.

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