5 Things We Learned From NFL Week 7

Cam Newton is going crazy, the AFC just sucks, and our favorite wang flasher is back!

Cam Newton is going crazy, the AFC just sucks, and our favorite wang flasher is back!

Photo: Streeter Lecka / Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

1 – We Really Hope Cam Newton Isn’t Vince Young-ing.

When Cam Newton said “This taste, this vibe…I’m not buying it, man. And I don’t know what it is, but something’s going to have to change,” after the Carolina Panthers’ most recent loss, we couldn’t help but think of former NFL QB Vince Young’s meltdown in Tennessee. You might remember that the Titans QB had a great rookie year, got on the cover of Madden, and promptly imploded mentally over the next few seasons. People were worried Young might have been suicidal. Cam Newton had a fantastic rookie season, is suffering a pretty bad sophomore slump, and is…acting weird on the bench and during press conferences. We’re not saying any of this behavior is reaching Young-like levels. But it’s still concerning when a promising young QB is talking about the mouth-feel of losing during post-game Q&A.

2 – The AFC Kinda Sucks Walrus Balls Right Now.

Standing at a combined 47-57, the AFC is looking like the red-headed, cleft-palated, wiener little brother of the NFC (56-46). Only four teams have a better than .500 record, and the AFC West doesn’t even have a division leader with a winning record. Former power houses like the Patriots are barely treading water, Baltimore is so damaged by injury that we can’t see them lasting the season (and Joe Flacco just put in a historically terrible performance), and only the Texans are elevating the division beyond Canadian football levels.

3 – Chris Cooley is Back!

One of our favorite Maxim contributors (and accidental dong displayer) is back on the Redskins! After losing tight end Fred Davis for the season due to anAchilles tear, the ‘Skins resigned Cooley. The team had cut him during the summer but had hinted at a possible return. Cooley is only 30-years-old and remains the career leader for receptions at tight end for the Washington franchise. If your fantasy team is in need of a flexible player, you could do worse than picking him up.

4 – The San Diego Chargers Could Be Dirty Cheaters!

All we have is this random tweet from human refrigerator Jay Glazer about last week’s game against the Denver Broncos. But it looks like the NFL is investigating the Chargers after a line judge witnessed a trainer dispensing towels with a “clear substance” (probably “stickum”) on them during a timeout. Hopefully this will be the final nail in coach Norv Turner’s coffin (it has about 5,000 nails already, but maybe this one will be the last!).

5 – Escalators Are Death Machines Designed By The Illuminati To Keep Americans Fat And Crippled.

Seriously, just take the stairs.

Check out the Five Things We Learned From NFL Week 6.

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