Attention TV executives: We’ve got some ideas for shows that will knock your socks off. On the heels of theFrom Dusk Till Dawn and Fargo getting small-screen versions, we’ve picked up on the fact that you’re looking for a) New TV shows based on old movies; and b) Movies where a lot of people get brutally maimed. So while we have your attention, check out this list of bloody big-screeners we could easily watch every week.
(Photo: Everett Collection)
These days, horror-themed shows are wildly popular. The Walking Dead alone, a show that’s literally about a bunch of assholes wandering around Atlanta looking for pudding, pulled in over 15.7 million viewers during its finale. So it’s basically the perfect time for the slasher genre to get the television treatment it deserves. Wes Craven’s '90s self-aware horror series would translate to the TV world perfectly. The show could focus on real teenage issues like applying to colleges, getting a car, trying to fit in, and getting brutally stabbed to death. It would be just like Glee, only when you secretly root for the cast to get murdered, it actually happens. For some audiences that might be a tough sell, but come on; if MTV can make a successful TV show about a franchise as dumb as Teen Wolf, anything is possible.
(Photo: 20th Century Fox / Everett Collection)
A Point Break TV series? Holy shit. Just typing that gave us an orgasm. Think about it: a young, hotshot detective infiltrating a group of bank-robbing surfers? It would be like The Wire...but whiter, and with more beach football. The series could be an update of the 1991 movie; like, they’d still wear ex-president masks, only they would be historically updated. Who doesn’t want to see George Dubya pistol-whipping bankers with the back of a shotgun? Obviously there are some things about the original that are too amazing to update. Specifically, Gary Busey. They would have to bring back Gary Busey.
(Photo: Orion / Everett Collection)
For anyone unfamiliar, RoboCop is a movie about a robot cop. Great, now that we’re all caught up, how is this not a successful TV show yet? Even the Terminator got a shot at a series with The Sarah Connor Chronicles and that didn’t even have Arnold in it. Trust us, people still love RoboCop. It’s a franchise that will always resurface despite surviving a “meh” sequel, a failed 90’s TV show, a terrible sequel, a lame cartoon, a forgettable miniseries, and a remake this year that you’ve already forgot about, and will forget again as soon as this sentence ends. By mixing the crime genre with the emerging superhero genre, a RoboCop TV series could be awesome. Imagine 21 Jump Street mixed with Arrow. Or more accurately, just imagine a cop mixed with a robot, because that’s what it is.
The Bourne Identity
(Photo: Universal / Everett Collection)
The Bourne series has definitely seen its share of box office success; there have already been four movies with two different leads, and a rumored fifth is on the way. To be perfectly honest, we’ve actually never seen any of them, and we’re not exactly sure what they’re about (something about Matt Damon breaking people’s limbs, right?). However, we do know that they win Oscars for Sound Mixing, so that’s something; although honestly we don’t really know what sound mixing is either. Point is, someone somewhere is watching these films (dads? probably dads), so we’re going to assume they’d watch a Bourne TV show as well.
(Photo: Buena Vista / Everett Collection)
What do you get when you mix Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Bill Paxton, Sam Elliott, and four of the most epic mustaches to grace this earth? You get the best movie ever made: Tombstone. If you haven’t seen Tombstone, we cannot recommend enough that you set some time aside to reflect on your stupidity. Oh, and also, to watch the movie. Tombstone is based on the true events of lawman Wyatt Earp and the legendary gunfight at the O.K. Corral. The film embodies why the Wild West was awesome (and murder-y; it was also very murder-y). As far as having to be historically accurate, the story of Earp’s badass vengeance tour is a little fuzzy, so there’s room for interpretation. Actually, what are we saying? TV doesn’t have to be historically accurate. You could make Abraham Lincoln the sidekick and nobody would give a shit.