8 Deadliest Body Parts
Whether these characters made the most of a missing limb or were blessed with an unusually predatory body part, they […]
Whether these characters made the most of a missing limb or were blessed with an unusually predatory body part, they all make you think twice about entering their personal space. Luckily, we can hide safely behind the fourth wall as we applaud the big screen bad-asses whose lethal weapons were just part of their anatomy…
8. Hook Hand, Charade
There are plenty of hook-handed characters making the rounds in movies and TV, from an aptly named sea captain to a certain mother-loving Bluth brother. But it’s Charade’s ill-tempered, iller-balanced Herman—the mysterious menace who puts his hook through doe-eyed Audrey Hepburn’s hotel door—that gets the two thumbs up from all of us admiring double-handed folk.
7. Vaginal Choppers, Teeth
The truly terrifying Teeth tells a tale of a high schooler who discovers her private parts have a pair of pearly whites. And they’re quite territorial. Just the thought of Dawn’s below-the-belt jaws is enough to give us nightmares for weeks—we doubt she flosses.
6. Scissorhands,Edward Scissorhands
Edward Scissorshands is a robot…or a puppet. Or is he a walking building? There’s a lot about this movie we don’t understand. It’s never clear how he was made, or why Vincent Price just didn’t give him useful appendages like a boxing glove or some sort of starfish. Perhaps we shouldn’t ask such questions. It’s only a movie. But seriously, where did Vincent Price get the skin for Eddie’s face? And where does the food go after he eats? And why is Winona Ryder’s hair the color of a peach vomit?
5. Smoking Stem, Planet Terror
When most people lose a limb, they give up their career as a dancer. But not Cherry Darling (played by the Rose McGowan). After zombies tore off her gam, Cherry continues to dance in her wooden leg, which she then uses to stab Rapist #1 (played by Quentin Tarantino). Things escalate when she swaps the peg for a machine gun and mows down the terrorists. Though it does raise the questions: “How does she fire the weapon” and “Where did Edward Scissorhand’s skin come from?”
4. Codpistol, From Dusk til Dawn
Biker Sex Machine doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve so much as his pistol on his codpiece. Rub him the wrong way and you’ll have one dangerous dick to deal with. This accessory really lets Sex Machine live up to his name and, though it’s not technically part of his body, a pelvic adornment so artistically anatomical thrusts its way onto the list, even if it does mean we have to bend the rules. And if you combine this with No. 7 on our list, you have Oscar gold!
3. Legged and Dangerous,Piranha 3DD
Piranha 3DD hasn’t even hit theaters yet, but the trailer was enough to earn it a spot on this list. Double D is out to prove the best things come in twos, particularly Ving Rhames’ legs, which are perhaps best described as a double barrel. Yup, Rhames is pulling a Planet Terror times two. And it’ll be double trouble for those hungry sea monsters once those legs are locked and loaded.
2. Hand Gun, Videodrome
James Woods’ oozing, bloody hand gun with flesh eating bullets makes you shiver with fear and disgust. It’s more than just a gun. It’s “the new flesh!” David Cronenberg made Videodrome after Scanners (the head-exploding one) and before The Fly (the Jeff Goldblum turning into a giant fly-thing one), and all three celebrate the director’s fondness for both violent destruction and grotesque transformation of the human body. Didn’t he also direct Bride Wars?
1. Handsaw, Evil Dead 2
You know, we were impressed enough when the guy managed to chop off his own hand. Then, in a moment that immortalizes Bruce Campbell as the ultimate bad-ass, he not only replaces his hand with a chainsaw, but uses his new extremity to saw off a shotgun. Cheers to our big-chinned hero for chopping his way to the top of this list.
Titty Titty Bang Bang, Austin Powers
Because the fembots aren’t humans, it seemed unfair to lump them in with the rest of the lethal bodies on the list. But that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate their botty weapons. Fingers crossed that we never find ourselves in a situation where fun bags turn to gun bags.
Gun Up His Sleeve, Taxi Driver
Though Travis Bickle never technically transforms his body into a weapon, the gun rig that he creates for himself is worth an honorable mention. Yes, we are talking to you, Travis. And we’re trying to tell you that we’re very impressed. Now go cut your hair and kill those pimps and then meet parents and Fockers, you former badass, you!