Because who watches sports for the actual sporty stuff?
8. Xavier Musketeers vs. Cincinnati Bearcats
When you share a city with another school, there's naturally going to be some hate between the two campuses—hell, look at Duke and North Carolina, they're eight miles apart and despise one another. So when these two teams, uh,
it out on the hardwood last season, we saw the Musketeers blast the Bearcats on the scoreboard, and the Bearcats get even when Xavier's Kenny Frease got sucker-punched by Cincy's Yancy Gates, ending up with a busted, bloody eye. The brawl was so raucous that refs called the game with 9.4 seconds left.
7. Cincinnati Reds vs. St. Louis Cardinals
If you've ever watched a fight between baseball teams, you know how fucking pathetic it is. It's more a case of guys getting their cardio in, shuffling out of dugouts and sprinting from bullpens to join a small mosh pit in the middle of the diamond than a real rumble. But when the Reds pitcher found himself pinned against the backstop net, making himself vulnerable to punches, he did what most people would do - kick whoever was around him while trying to get up. Unfortunately, Cueto was wearing metal spikes, and that little Daniel Russo-like kick took out Cardinals players Chris Carpenter and Jason LaRue, landing LaRue on the 60-day DL,
, leaving a ton of people calling Cueto a little bitch.
6. Ron Artest vs. Detroit Pistons Fans
When someone gets a 6'8" basketball player pissed off by throwing a beer at him while he's busy trying to avoid an on-court shoving fight, that person better be ready for the consequences. So what happened to that poor, young fan? As we all know, Artest responded just as you'd expect: By going apeshit, climbing into the stands, and pounding on the dude as if he were a rag doll. Artest got suspended for the remainder of the season, and for their parts in instigating and taking part in it, some other guys wound up with double-digit suspensions. Either way, we should all be impressed by Jermaine O'Neal's sliding punch. That's tough for a near seven-footer to execute!
5. Manchester United's Eric Cantona vs. Fan
Some guys can't handle heckling and, incapable of shaking it off and letting their play speak for them, they do things they tend to regret.
That was the case with Cantona, who, after receiving a red card for taking down opponent Richard Shaw as he was going up for a header, found that Kung-Fu kicking was more fun than soccer ball kicking. The Man U star went after loudmouth fan Matthew Simmons, kicking and punching him before getting escorted off by cops. In one of the best quotes by an athlete ever, Cantona said, "I have a lot of good moments, but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan." So much for regret!
4. Miami Hurricanes vs. FIU Golden Panthers
Located within several miles of each other, these two schools showed us what happens when little brother finally gets pissed of at big brother for taunting him all those years. This fight featured it all—crutch swinging, kicking, even body-slamming. After all was said and done, no one remembers (or gives a shit about) the final score, but they do know 13 Hurricanes and 18 Golden Panthers ended up suspended. We'd say they got their money’s worth.
3. New York Islanders vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
Fighting in hockey is absolutely expected, so no one should be too shocked to see a couple slobber knockers end up on our list. But what makes this fight so unique is that the damn thing went on for over 15 minutes, consisting of a bunch of mini fights on top of the one that started it all—which also happened to be in the first fucking period. What we’re saying is, overall it was pretty impressive. With 65 penalties, 15 fighting majors, and 21 game misconducts totaling 346 penalty minutes—along with goalies getting involved—this hockey fight goes down as one of the most epic sports brawls we've ever seen.
2. Gennaro Gattuso vs. Tottenham Coach Joe Jordan
If there's one footballer we would never fuck with, it's Gattuso. Why? Because the former AC Milan captain has quite the history of on-field altercations—including getting into it with his own freaking international team coach. His fight with opposing coach Joe Jordan might just take the cake though: Following a hard tackle by teammate Mathieu Flamini, the midfielder tried to choke out and then head-butt the coach. He was subsequently punished, and his stunt ended up costing him four games.
1. New York Knicks vs. Miami Heat
This one wasn’t just memorable because it was a fight that started after former teammates Alonzo Mourning and "Grandmama" Larry Johnson went at each other: No, this one's our personal favorite because of pint-sized Knicks head coach Jeff Van Gundy’s involvement, laying on the floor amongst the scuffling ballers. It might not be all that manly to try and break-up a fight by being the little guy holding onto someone else’s tree-trunk leg, but Van Gundy's scrappiness will never be forgotten by any true NBA fan. We're actually convinced he got his job at ESPN because of it.