The 8 Scariest Children in Video Games
With Little Sisters on the prowl once more in BioShock 2, we’re running down the dastardliest youths to ever haunt your beeping consoles.
When video game developers aren’t programming perfectly-shaped breasts into their video games, they’re busy thinking up ways to scare the crap out of gamers. The easiest way is to make three-headed zombies pop out from around the corner holding abnormally large garden tools. However, occassionally the more creative types use sweet, innocent, violence-minded babies, toddlers, and adolescents to make their point. Here’s a tribute to the dastardliest youths to ever haunt your beeping consoles…
LITTLE SISTERS
Appear In:BioShock, BioShock 2
These rambunctious runts made their debut in 2007, but have already staked their claim as some of the creepiest two-footers around: Their calling card consists of ear-shattering shrills and disturbing lullabies. Try bothering any of them during their lollygagging and you’ll be confronted by their corkscrew-wielding protectors, the Big Daddies. You then have two seconds to run away or drill, baby, drill!
AMANDA
Appears In:Rule of Rose
The game’s story kicks off by telling players there exists a haunted woods with stray dogs that eat children. We’re pretty sure they were just covering for Amanda. The Red Crayon Aristocrats’ resident pig muffin, ironically dubbed “The Small-Hearted Princess,” has a smile only a man with shattered dreams could love. When she gets too close for comfort and attempts to befriend you in the early stages of the game, we recommend laying down a steady trail of porkchops and mutton leading her off the nearest cliff.
WALTER SULLIVAN
Appears In:Silent Hill 4: The Room
Awwww, look at those pinchable chubby cheeks and those big, green eyes, and…and…the way he nibbles on his weeeddle fingers as if to say, “In a few decades, I’m going to murder 21 people.” So cute! Sullivan is actually a notorious serial killer undergoing what some may describe as “inner conflict,” manifested by his transformation into an innocent little boy near the conclusion of the game. Unsurprising, this game’s a favorite among the To Catch a Predator prison crowd.
JOSH SHEPHERD
Appears In:Silent Hill Homecoming
Imagine coming home and finding nobody but your catatonic mother rambling on and on about how someone stole your brother. You go in search of him, only to see him appear everywhere and lead you deeper into the town’s violent, demonic underground. Hey Josh, I’m right here! C’mon the game could totally end right now. All we have to do is walk through this door right here—No. Hey! Where the hell do you think you’re going? Josh? Josh! Dickbreath! Ugh…
BOB
Appears In:Messiah
If his blank stare doesn’t make your spine tingle, the celestial turd’s powers of manipulation will. When the going gets tough for Bob, he takes over the body of someone else and makes them do stuff they normally wouldn’t want to do. Basically, it’s like getting married—which is the scariest thing ever.
ALICE
Appears In:American McGee’s Alice
Remember when Alice went through the looking glass? Well, here she is again, only now she’s got a burned-down house, murdered parents, and suicidal tendencies. After years of mental rehab, she returns to the land of make-believe to rip the Queen of Hearts, the cause of her insanity, a new spade-hole. This time, she’s sporting a couple of sweet handshears and a bloodthirsty mentality straight out of Hannibal Lecter’s playbook.
GARY SMITH
Appears In:Bully
Look up ‘dick’ in the dictionary and you’ll probably find a photo of a penis. But there should be this kid’s photo there too. Gary is the school’s bulliest bully, whispering sweet nothings laced with vengeance and evil into your character’s ear. He’s known as a sociopath and makes references to taking medicine for his ADD, but you won’t see much of him outside of the beginning of the game. He goes into hiding and performs his evil deeds with Ted Kaczynski-like zest.
ALMA
Appears In:F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin, F.E.A.R.: First Encounter Assault Recon
We have no idea what to think about this freaky chick. At the beginning of the first game, the eight-year-old runs around scaring the bajeezus out of you with eery visions and apparitions. At the end, she’s naked, anorexic, and in her mid-twenties. In the sequel, a third, healthier version of the adultress appears. At this rate, F.E.A.R. 7 will have the hottest Alma ever.