The 9 Fictional Movie Drugs We Want To Try

Just say yes.

Just say yes.

Movie drugs are much more interesting than the standard pot, coke, crack and opiates of real life. Why have a character smoke a joint when instead they can use one of these fictional narcotics. We don’t condone drug use, but here are nine substances that make us just say yes.


Photo Courtesy of Orion Pictures| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As injected in: Robocop 2

Described variously as “the most addictive narcotic in history” and “paradise,” Nuke’s main onscreen effect seems to be to make people close their eyes and twitch their head slightly. Its users also mostly seem to be homicidal, but then you’d have to be pretty nuts to choose a drug that’s only available in radioactive colors and has to be injected straight into the jugular.


Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As taken in: 21 Jump Street

Phase 1: The Giggs. Phase 2: Tripping Major Ballsac. Phase 3: Over-falsity Of Confidence. Phase 4: Fuck Yeah Motherfucker. Phase 5: Somehow, miraculously and previously-thought-impossible, making a Channing Tatum movie watchable.

Unnamed Drug

Photo Courtesy of Warner Brothers| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As ingested in: Altered States

What do you get when you cross the hallucinogenic south American jungle vine Banisteriopsis Caapi with actor William Hurt’s blood? A massive bag full of crazyballs! A drug that apparently lets you physically transform in line with your hallucinations seems like a spectacularly bad idea to us, although that one time we spent four hours on shrooms convinced we were Robert De Niro wasn’t so terrible. (We got nominated for eight Oscars!)


Photo Courtesy of Relativity Media| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As swallowed in: Limitless.

A useful pill that lets you access your entire brain, instead of just the usual 10-percent. At least, that would be useful, if that wasn’t an urban myth in the first place. Still, if they ever really produce a drug that lets you be an amazing fighter just by watching Bruce Lee movies, we’ll be first in line.


As inhaled in: Dredd

It probably started as the most ingenious budget-saving idea ever pitched: “What if we have everyone in this movie take a drug that makes them experience the world at 1-percent normal speed, then just shoot all the drug scenes in slow motion?” What they ended up with, though, is one of the most fun-looking drugs on this list – provided, of course, that no one’s shooting you in the face at the time.

Fluid Karma

Photo Courtesy of Universal Pictures| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As taken in: Southland Tales

The entirety of the beautiful-but-hollow Southland Tales is a bit like experiencing a confusing, mellow mushroom trip, but the highlight is Justin Timberlake’s fuzzy singalong to The Killers’ All These Things That I’ve Donewhile wasted on Fluid Karma. This drug is supposed to give you telepathy and even the ability to communicate, on some level, with God. It still doesn’t give you the power to make a scraggly goatee look good, however.

Substance D

Photo Courtesy of Warner Independent Pictures| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As taken in: A Scanner Darkly

It gives you powerful hallucinations and eventually causes you to go nuts by causing the two hemispheres of your brain to compete with each other, but anything that causes the world to look like a Nintendo Tony Hawk game is ok by us.


Photo Courtesy of Paramount Pictures| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As taken in: Brain Candy

An antidepressant that eventually leaves its users in a virtual coma, trapped forever in their happiest memory (we know what ours would be), this still sounds like a drug we’d want to take a lot of. Because HAPPINESS PIE, PEOPLE.


Photo Courtesy of 20th Century Fox | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

As taken in: Minority Report

When Tom Cruise literally loses a son, he descends into the world of Neoronin. The drug seems like a downer, making Tom feel even more depressed and alone. While we hate feeling sad, we really want to try the adorable little plastic inhaler “whiff-heads” use to ingest the drugs. It looks like a fun mouth toy!