SURVIVING THE NFL
THE ALL-MAXIM TEAM
DE John Abraham, Atlanta Falcons
Traded booze for books.
DE Dwight Freeney, Indianapolis Colts
Spin move? He’s a Madden Bowl winner!
DT Tommie Harris, Chicago Bears
Tells the truth about his QB, or lack thereof.
ILB Brian Urlacher, Chicago Bears
Butkus looks, but Brady womanizing.
ILB Ray Lewis, Baltimore Ravens
Mike him every Sunday with Dierdorf’s mike.
OLB Adalius Thomas, New England Patriots
Hey, Peyton, Belichick has a new Transformer!
OLB Shawne Merriman, San Diego Chargers
17 sacks in 12 games one shortened by four games because of a drug suspension, no less—and we’ll turn a blind eye to the worst sack dance in history.
CBRonde Barber, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The only CB with more than 20 picks and 20 sacks in a career Which was exactly two TDs more than his stinking offense scored.
CB Chris McAlister, Baltimore Ravens
A defensive standout on a team full of defensive standouts.
S Roy Williams, Dallas Cowboys
Any guy who has a tackling rule named after him is our guy.
S Brian Dawkins, Philadelphia Eagles
Destroys WRs like a fantasy football owner.
QB Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals
One year you’re crip-pled, the next year you throw for 4,000 yards.
RB LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers
He makes everyone money: teammates, gamblers, and fans.
FB Lorenzo Neal, San Diego Chargers
For 14 years he has created more holes than a gravedigger.
Offensive Line The Indianapolis Colts
It takes men to protect Peyton’s bobblehead.
WR Chad Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals
Ocho Cinco outran a horse in June.
WR Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers
A Pro Bowler even with Chris Weinke at QB.
TE Jeremy Shockey, New York Giants
Parties! Hates the boss! He’s the people’s TE!
K Jeff Reed, Pittsburgh Steelers
The guy took cell shots of his shaven dong. You’d better step it up, Vinatieri!
P Jeff Feagles, New York Giants
When Eli fails to pick up another third down, Feagles breaks his own NFL punting record.
KR-PR Devin Hester, Chicago Bears
Meet the first player ever to get a 100 skill rating in Madden. Isn’t that what’s important?