Better With a Monkey: Summer Movie Preview Special

Would these fun-looking movies be improved with a healthy dose of chimp appeal?

There’s a lot of fun-looking movies coming out this summer, but we’d be failing in our duty if we didn’t ask the all-important question: Would they be improved with a healthy dose of chimp appeal?

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Out June 22

Produced by Tim Burton, this is a somewhat unusual take on our 16th president. Yes, he still has a kick-ass hat and a truly astonishing beard, but now he’s fighting an army of the undead. And while we’re always up for some silliness, we have to ask—would this be even more venerable with a monkey?

The Dark Knight Rises

Out July 20

It’s probably fair to say we’re big Batman fans at Maxim. (As you read this, at least three Maxim editors are reading a Batman comic, wearing Batman Underoos, or both.) The final part of Christopher Nolan’s trilogy has an impossible amount of expectation to live up to, but here’s hoping it succeeds. And if it doesn’t—might we suggest a monkey?

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Out June 29

With Cobra in the White House, the Rock and Bruce Willis being badass, and more ninjas than you can shake a box of ninja snacks at (ninja snacks are a thing, right? We get ninjas and Scooby-Doo mixed up), we’re pretty excited for this shoot-’em-in-the-face fest. Grenades are great, but…is it better with a monkey?

The Amazing Spider-Man

Out July 3

It’s hard to get worked up about this so soon after Sam Raimi’s excellent run (we’re ignoring Spider-Man 3 here—apart from the dancing bit, which was awesome. That’s right, we said Street Boogie Peter Parker was awesome—suck it!), but still, we’re cautiously optimistic. Having said that, would it be improved with a (spider) monkey?


Out June 8

This Ridley Scott flick has been teasing us with the promise of being an Alien prequel, although the official line keeps changing. We won’t go into full-nerd detail, but our money’s on at least some acid-blooded shenanigans before the credits (and heads) roll. And while it would obviously be better with an alien, what about with a monkey?