Brian Wilson is a Bobblehead

The San Francisco Giants closer takes the prize for best spring-activated head.

San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson takes the prize for best spring-activated head.

Your new bobblehead doll has an actual lustrous beard just like you do!

I’ve seen some amazing different ones, like the Shane Victorino Hawaiian bobblehead and the Derrick Turnbow bobblehead with real doll’s hair. That’s what spawned the idea: Why don’t we use a real, lifelike beard?

They should launch a whole line of them. You could give Tim Lincecum long flowing locks…

Definitely. If he wants some help, I can get that going for him. We could do the legends of facial hair: Goose Gossage and Rollie Fingers.

How about your gimp-like sidekick, the Machine? (YouTube immediately if unfamiliar.)

I’m glad you brought that up. A Machine bobblehead is something that has to happen. Everyone needs more Machine in their lives.

What about other products? Like a “Fear the Beard” Chia Pet?

That would be cool. You could grow out the mohawk and a funky green beard. Or maybe a Troll doll, like from the ’80s. I actually collected those growing up.

Speaking of growing up, your bio on the bobblehead box lists some impressive accomplishments: carving Mount Rushmore, beating Secretariat in a race, inventing the external combustion engine…

Yeah, it’s kind of like “The Most Interesting Man in the World.” Or Chuck Norris.

You three should form a super team.

Well, it would be an honor just to be considered with them, but it might get crowded, considering Chuck Norris and the Most Interesting Man in the World have such unbelievable followings. I can’t even compare myself. I just try and keep everything loose and fun.

Coming soon to