Can You Guess What Kind of Animal This Guy Screwed Just By Looking at His Crazy Face?

If you said “a giraffe”…you’re wrong. Sorry for getting your hopes up.

It was a pitbull! Because if you’re going to attempt non-consensual sex with a dog, then choosing a breed known for being aggressive and, shall we say, “bitey,” is clearly the best way to go. Bernard Marsonek, 57, was arrested yesterday at his Tampa, FL, home after neighbors saw him trying to go for an all-too-literal doggy style romp in his yard and called the cops. As well as being charged with animal cruelty and sexual activity involving animals, he was also hit with two charges of being a felon in possession of a firearm, after arresting officers found a gun and ammo inside the convicted felon’s home. The most amazing thing about this story, honestly, is the fact that he was able to make his $17,500 bail. Seriously, who is paying this guy, and to do what?

Photos by Hillborough Hill County Sheriff’s Office