Cats, Fisherman, and Dick Wipes at SXSW

The interactive portion of SXSW is doing a good job of keeping Austin weird.

The interactive portion of SXSW is doing a good job of keeping Austin weird.

Are you heading to SXSW this weekend and feeling just a tiny bit overwhelmed by the fact that there are, like, 869 interactive sessions to choose from? We’ve combed through the schedule for you and found three weird events or appearances that you’ll want to either make sure to see or do your best to avoid, depending on how you feel about millionaire cats, crotch wipes, and social media as it pertains to fishing.

Deadliest Catch: Twitter for Tough Guys

Saturday, March 9, 12:30-1:30

Photo courtesy of the Discovery Channel

For all seven of you who have always wanted to learn how to tweet like a crab fisherman.  

The Fresh + Sexy Black Booth Confessional Party

Saturday, March 9, 9pm-12am

Photo by Paul Zimmerman/Getty

Playtex has named Andrew W.K. as the official spokesman for their Fresh + Sexy Wipes. (That’s a euphemism for dick wipes. They’re probably for girls, too.) If the thought of that doesn’t make you uncomfortable, push your boundaries even further by attending this soiree where you’ll get complimentary cocktails to go with your complimentary crotch wipes and come clean to the Party King in a “one-of-a-kind confessional booth, a setting to tell stories about those exciting and spontaneous moments when they could have used Fresh + Sexy Wipes.”

Grumpy Cat at the Mashable House

Friday, March 8, 11am-5pm

Saturday, March 9, 11am-5pm

Sunday, March 10, 11am-3pm

Photo by Daniel Petty/Getty

Attention creepy cat guys who haven’t already pitched a tent outside the Mashable house to await the biggest Internet celebrity of 2012: Tard will be making appearances here throughout the weekend. Curious to know what the sourpuss is getting out of this trip?  A first class plane ticket, endless filet mignon, a king-sized bed, and, oh, five-figure paychecks.

Danielle “Topanga” Fishel

Audra Makes a Cup of Coffee