Watch This Hilarious Supercut of The Dumbest Criminal Excuses from 30 Years of ‘COPS’

“I don’t sell crack, I’m a prostitute.”

COPS Promo
Image: YouTube/COPSTV

Over 30 seasons, COPS has delivered some of the most entertaining reality TV ever (sorry, Keeping Up With The Kardashians) while showing police officers investigate, chase down and bust countless criminals. 

And after 837 drug busts, 470 foot pursuits and 370 car chases, you’d better believe they’ve heard dumbass excuses nearly as much as that “Bad Boys” theme song. 

Just watch some of the greatest criminal bullshitting in TV history courtesy of the video above that was made exclusively for Maxim.

One guy claims to have woken up with a mysterious bag of crack sitting on his lap, and another clearly stoned citizen forgot about the joint tucked behind his ear as he promises police that he definitely hasn’t smoked any weed.  

But the best moment by far comes from the mind of the serial car thief who, upon being cuffed and stuffed into the back of a cruiser, says he “was tripping” and doesn’t even remember being in a stolen vehicle. NICE. 

The clip comes from COPS’  1000th episode special, dubbed Beyond the Bust. The hour-long show features the pioneering reality show’s most infamous moments as well as sit-down interviews with the cops and the suspects they arrested on-air.

Hosted by Terry Crews, 
COPS: Beyond the Bust airs on SPIKE TV on August 19 at 8 p.m. ET/PT.