Like a shrewd older sibling bilking a dim younger one out of money via a bizarre valuation system of its own devising, Starbucks is selling a “special” $200 Mother’s Day Gift Card worth $50. Yes, again, Starbucks is requesting two hundred (200) of your dollars, and in return, Mom will receive a festive “metal and ceramic” card redeemable for fifty (50) dollars of Starbucks drink product and old muffins.
Where do those 150 extra greenbacks go? First, to Starbuck’s marketing team. This card is “limited-edition,” “premium,” “elegant,” and “exclusive,” just like mom except when she gets sake-bombed at Benihana and loses her blouse. Second, that enormous sum buys a card with “laser-etched floral details” and “satin-ceramic finish”—or “flowers” and “a texture”—that Ma will surely place on the nightstand next to her first-edition Tennyson and Victorian garnet brooch. Lastly, the purchase of a $200, $50 Mother's Day gift card signals to the world that you are also the benefactor of several Nigerian princes, a lifelong admirer of the Emperor’s wardrobe, and a buyer of snake oil in bulk. Can we interest you in our line of exclusive, high-end embroidered $50 bills, yours for $200 each?
Photos by Starbucks