Dog Movie Reviews: “The Wolverine”
Our movie-loving dogs went to see Hugh Jackman’s latest outing as Mr. Stabby. See what they thought!
Out July 25, Rated PG-13
Photos Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox
“This was a fun movie. Pretty much a direct sequel to the please-someone-shoot-me-in-the-face-so-it-stops X-Men 3: The Last Stand, it sees our favorite hairy hero haunted by dreams of his beloved Jean Grey, who was last seen being stabbed in the stomach by Wolvie because she started shopping at Hot Topic (for the record, I do not disapprove of this method of intervention). After a pretty cool flashback in which we see Wolverine survive the atomic devastation of Nagasaki, we cut to the present day, where he accepts an invitation to travel to Japan and say goodbye to an old friend. Once there, drama, action, and shirtlessness naturally ensue, as we get to see the adamantium-boned one face-off against, among others, the Yakuza, the ninja clan known as The Hand (“The Black Hand” in this movie, for some reason), the Silver Samurai, and Viper. There are a ton of fun fight scenes in this movie – one extended sequence on top of a speeding bullet train, especially, mixes comedy and action with absurd but enjoyable results – so if you just want to see Wolvie kick ass, you’ll get your money’s worth. I guess the main downside is the villains – sure, fans of the Chris Claremont/Frank Miller era of Wolverine stories have wanted to see Wolverine head to Japan and fight ninjas for some time, but when it comes to the actual supervillains, it’s barrel-scraping time. I mean…. Viper? Really? Is that all Fox has left in its X-Villain stable? She does get an amusing death scene (Spoiler alert! A bad guy dies in a Wolverine movie!) but she’s so far below D-list that it’s hard to get too excited for the fight.
“Overall, it’s way better than the terrible X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and it’s a crap-ton better than X3, but as far as a great movie experience goes, I’d put this below X-Men: First Class, which I thought was more fun than getting a belly rub from Starfox (that’s a nerd joke. Look it up!). Speaking of First Class, its sequel, Days Of Future Past, is out next year, and if you want to get excited for that, stick around till after the first round of credits. There’s a surprise set-up scene in there that made me more excited than anything else in this movie. Well, except for shirtless Hugh Jackman, obviously.”
“I didn’t enjoy this as much as Holly did. Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was a fun summer blockbuster – it just seemed a bit, well, small, especially compared to recent superhero flicks like The Avengers and Man Of Steel. I suppose my biggest issue is the fact that Wolverine gets significantly depowered partway through (not a spoiler if you’ve seen any of the trailers), and that always bugs me. Any story where the hero gets depowered suggests that the writers couldn’t think of a good enough threat for him to face, so they had to give him a handicap. I just kept waiting for him to be fixed so the butt-kicking could commence in earnest. Funnily enough, I felt the exact same way when I saw my mailman in a neck brace.”
“MY FAVORITE PART WAS THE PART WHERE HUGH JACKMAN TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF AND CALLED SOMEONE BUB AND THEN STABBED PEOPLE WITH HIS CLAWS AND THEN SOMEHOW MANAGED TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF AGAIN EVEN THOUGH HE ALREADY WASN’T WEARING A SHIRT. I’M NOT GOING TO LIE, I’M KIND OF JUST ASSUMING, HERE.”
For more movie stuff, check outDog Movie Previews: Only God Forgives, Dealin’ With Idiots, and R.I.P.D, or The 3 Most Brutal Uses Of Chopsticks In Movies.