I moved from the south to Massachusetts five years ago. Almost immediately, I learned that Dunkin' Donuts ruled everything around me. New Englanders bleed Dunks hot pink frosting when they're not bleeding Patriots blue or Red Sox red.
So it was a little scary to learn via Grubstreet that Dunkin' is halving its menu in some stores. Before any native Bostonians come at me for bearing the bad tidings, know that there's a reason—too many damn donuts. Hell, the chain is considering losing the word donuts from its name.
Grubstreet tells more:
This will supposedly help restore Dunkin’s lost “doughnut mojo,” which it believes got flattened under the extreme weight of 30 different varieties. By the end of this month, about a thousand of its stores nationwide will switch to menus that offer just 18 kinds.
Some will eventually move back up to 24 after taking “consumer feedback and regional preferences” into consideration, but for most of those locations it’s probably good-bye to the more grotesquely fast food–y options (meaning watch your back, Jelly Donut).
Okay, that sounds perfectly reasonable. Really, did anyone ever order the white chocolate truffle-filled square donuts (no, they didn't actually have those). Why not narrow it down to the old reliables like glazed, chocolate, and jelly-filled?
Sure, I moved here from the land of Krispy Kreme, but I'd say keep the full name, though. Or go the opposite direction and just call it Dunks.
While I'm giving out unsolicited, dumb suggestions: It'd also be great if Casey Affleck would be willing to play his character from this SNL digital short in Dunkin' commercials. Because the video above literally the most perfect, dead-on Boston/Dunks-related parody ever.
And if you don't like any of that, go the fuck back to Stahbucks.