Eight Reasons We Are Still Pissed About Wasting Our Time Watching Lost
Lost went off the air over a year-and-a-half ago, but the pain and frustration we feel cut us as deeply as if it had happened yesterday.
Lost went off the air over a year-and-a-half ago, but the pain and frustration we feel about everything from that cop-out of an ending to devoting six years of our lives to unanswered questions (we already went to college for that, thanks) cut us as deeply as if it had happened yesterday. (Or was that sideways yesterday and none of this ever really happened?! God. Dammit.) Seeing as we put more time into Lost than we did most jobs or any fulfilling relationships in our lives, we’re still not quite over the pain.
All Those Myths…All Those Mysteries…What Did It All Mean?! Oh Right, Nothing
Hours spent dissecting episodes, finding Easter eggs, listening to podcasts and reading up on all the literature they referenced were all for nil. (It needs to be said again, they made us read for nothing.) Besides being an easy-to-remember locker combination for the island, did the numbers really matter? If Jacob and the Man in Black (yes, yes, we got the subtle good vs. evil subtext of it all, trust us) were the main driving force of the show, why only bring them in in the final act? Now take those questions, pile on about 4815162342 more unsolved mysteries and you’ve got Lost.
Sheep Go To Heaven…So Does Everyone Else In Lost
In case all of that wasn’t infuriating enough as is, rather than at least attempt to wrap some of the big looming unanswered questions up in the series finale, the show opted to essentially tell hard-core viewers, “Remember that whole sideways world? Well, that really didn’t have anything to do with the grand scheme of the show so much as give the characters some crazy stuff to do until they all get to meet up in heaven later. Except for Michael and Walt, because those guys were dicks, I guess?” Speaking of Walt…
Lost provided us with a lot of things aside from headaches and frustration and one of them was the most-excellent catch phrase “Waaaaaaaaaaaalt!”
Walt, like so many other characters, seemed like he was holding a key to the mysteries of the island, but then the kid went and hit puberty and the show had to get rid of him. Walt was just one of many characters who proved to be utterly pointless in the end. (Paging Libby!) Plus we’re really just pissed that we don’t have an excuse to yell “Waaaaaalt” anymore.
Nikki and Paolo: ‘Nuff Said
Of course, no amounts of disappearing Walts can begin to match us over the utter unforgivable insanity that was introducing Nikki and Paolo for no discernible reason whatsoever. (Well, besides perhaps just to have Kiele Sanchez on the show. Which makes it a little more acceptable and understandable.) While these two characters were apparently around the entire time, we didn’t get to know them until season three. Turning out to be like the Jar Jar Binks of Lost, even the show’s biggest defenders can’t stick up for Nikki and Paolo.
It Ruined Perfectly Good Actors
What do we see when we watch Daniel Kim on Hawaii Five-O? Not his character Chin, so much as flashbacks (or flash forwards, or side backwards, or who knows whatever the hell else) to Jin and his more-often-times-annoying-than-not relationship with his long suffering wife Sun (Yunjin Kim.) It’s why we’re nervous to watch the very Lost-like Alcatraz which features Jorge “Hurley” Garcia and why we keep expecting Michael Emerson’s Harold to manipulate every other main character on his new series Person of Interest. For better or worse (in this case, worse) all we see when we see these actors is Lost.
It Ruined Things In Our Everyday Lives
Ever taken a cab in New York City? The ticker when you exit sounds exactly like the Smoke Monster. So not only are you paying an absurdly over-your-budget taxi fare, but you’re quickly reminded of how cool ol’ Smokey started and ended in such a lame manner. (Back into the babbling brook, you go!) There’s so many things that can remind you of Lost on a given day, it’s damn near impossible to forget about the show at this point. Seriously, good luck ever wanting to play backgammon again. And forget about doing the Men in Black dance again…
(Screw it, we’re doing it anyway. Let me see ya just bounce it with me, just bounce with me…now make yer neck werk!)
We Could Have Been Watching Fringe Instead
We got so wrapped up in trying to unlock the mysteries of Locke, we totally missed out on a show that actually pays off: Fringe. Many fans of Lost didn’t bother with Fringe as they’d followed Lost too far down the rabbit hole and either were too invested or too pissed off (or, in a lot of cases, both) to even give Fox’s far-superior sci-fi drama a shot. Of course time, and seasons on DVD, heals all wounds.
We’re Still Talking About Why We’re Still Pissed About Wasting Our Time Watching Lost
Maybe it’s because when the show was great (namely, the first season and the first season alone) it was really, really great. Or maybe it was because we put our faith in the show to come up with something a bit more than, well, a lesson in faith. Or maybe it was just because we spent so much damn time caring about this show, but even after all this time has passed, the thing we’re most pissed off about, is that we’re still pissed off about it.