The ‘Exodus: Gods and Kings’ Drinking Game

Stagger like an Egyptian.

Right now, Ridley Scott’s Exodus: Gods and Kings is the number one movie in America, surpassing even The Hunger Games. It’s biblical in every sense: It’s budget was $200 million; it’s two and a half-hours long, and the plot was ripped right out of the Torah. To get you through this epic, and to distract you from some of the film’s departures from the text and questionable casting choices, we’ve compiled a (conveniently digitized, not stone tablet-inscribed) list of the twenty ways to drink along with the plagues.

1. Drink for every “god” and every other “king.” That’s two drinks, which will get you through the credits.

2. Drink every time the Pharaoh drinks.

3. Drink Manischewitz every time Moses drinks. (Shouting “L’chaim!” is encouraged.)

4. Drink every time someone asks if Christian Bale is Jewish (Hint: Not a traditional Hebrew name.)

5. Drink every time Bale’s accent switches from British to American.

6. Give a drink to anyone who hasn’t seen Cecil B. DeMille’s “The Ten Commandments.”

7. Drink every time a dark-skinned actor plays a slave or a thief.

8. Drink every time you wonder if the meticulously detailed CGI Hebrew slaves have meticulous CGI circumcisions.

9. Take a would-you-rather poll of the room: Old Pharaoh John Turturro or Royal Egyptian Sigourney Weaver. If Weaver wins, everyone takes a shot; if Turturro wins, it’s two.

10. Drink every time Rameses re-applies his makeup.

11. Drink every time Moses’ beard grows between shots.

12. Drink for every letter 20th Century Fox is going to get from PETA about the horses that died when the Red Sea closed in.

13. Drink every time someone says “bitch” while Aaron Paul is onscreen.

14. Drink for each plague.

15. Drink every time Pharaoh suggestively touches a snake.

16. Drink every time you see Joel Edgerton’s nipple.

17. Drink if you’re a firstborn son.

18. Pour one out if you’re not a firstborn son.

19. Drink if you get nostalgic for Gladiator.

20. Take five shots if the ending surprised you.

Photos by 20th Century Fox / Everett Collection