For decades, it’s been a Thanksgiving tradition to sit down with family, some whom you’ve probably not seen since the last year’s holidays, and completely ignore them in favor of watching football, an activity that happens literally every Sunday for six months. And for decades, the Lions and Cowboys have come into your Thanksgiving living room. You’ve even suffered through some pretty lousy years in the name of ignoring your relatives. So that’s why we’re pitching Roger Goodell on these new NFL holidays and the teams that should play on them. Because, honestly Rog, any day is a good day for more football.
Green Bay Packers - New Year’s Eve
We all love a stiff drink, but on New Year’s it tends to just slightly cross the line into unadulterated madness and sometimes even the theft of one or two police boats (hey, we don’t judge the way that you spend your holiday). Well, just as there is really no reason to commit debaucheries besides our calendar rolling over, it is also the case in Green Bay. When the first adjective that comes to people’s mind when thinking of your town is “frigid,” you drink like it’s New Year’s all winter long.
New England Patriots – Halloween
The Pats should definitely get the Halloween treatment, and not just because someone will likely end up bloody before the season even starts. The Pats always seems to blow through the season like a kid collecting candy from each door, sometimes getting tripped up by one or two teams that are giving out pennies or toothbrushes. But when it comes down to it, they usually end up with just a stomachache and no silverware (besides the nickels that some old lady tossed into their bags). Plus, the man in charge resembles more than one terrifying character.
New York Jets – Groundhog Day
The message of Groundhog Day is probably pretty familiar to Jets fans – it’s a brand new day and anything can happen! However the reality is probably even more heartbreakingly familiar to them: the more that things change, the more they stay the same. Note: The Super Bowl will fall on Groundhog Day this year. We are most definitely not saying that the Jets should or will play in the Super Bowl. We would never say that.
Cleveland Browns – Valentine’s Day
Every Cleveland season (not only in football, mind you) is truly like a months-long version of Valentine’s Day. You start by thinking “This is the one; we’re going to get lucky this time.” There is promise, and hope, and nothing but the stars to shoot for. And then, all of a sudden, it’s over and you’re clutching a fifth of the cheapest Scotch you could find, choking back sobs and telling yourself that next year will be better. Next year will always be better.
Jacksonville Jaguars – Daylight Savings Time
Hey, you’re already losing an hour, might as well lose four more, right?