Give It Up for the Naked Woman Who Destroyed a Sandwich Shop

What the hell are they putting in drugs these days?

Sandwiches fill me with many emotions: desire, lust, and pure unadulterated joy, to name a few. For others, though, they inspire an innate need to get completely naked and destroy an entire restaurant in a drug-fueled rage. 

KTUU is reporting that on Tuesday night in Anchorage, Alaska, which is surprisingly not in Florida, a woman entered a Subway then disappeared into the bathroom for TWO HOURS. At this point, you have to wonder: didn’t the staff get worried when she didn’t leave after 30 minutes? Didn’t else in the restaurant have to use the bathroom? I pee every 15 minutes so I’d be a seriously unhappy customer. But I digress. 

Police Sgt. Shaun Henry described what happened next to KTVA: “She disrobed, went fully nude and kinda just went nuts. Started breaking furniture, destroyed the store, knocked over computers, ripped the ceiling down, sprayed a fire extinguisher all over, locked herself in the bathroom for awhile, broke just about everything you could find.”

Yeah, judging by the photos, that seems to be a  pretty good summary of the events that transpired.

The police took her into custody, while medics examined her and said they believed she was high on spice. For those wondering what spice is (me) it’s K2 or synthetic marijuana, so clearly the lesson here is to stick to the natural stuff unless you want to lose your shit and embarrass yourself in front of innocent Subway customers who just wanted to enjoy a $5 footlong in peace.

Anyways, the woman’s facing a felony charge and, if it can dig up the footage, D.A.R.E. just got itself a new instructional video.

Photos by Carolyn Hall / KTVA