Good Actor, Bad Hair

From Ben Affleck in Argo to Joe Gordon-Levitt in Hesher, 10 tragic movie mops.

With his role in Argo, actor-director Ben Affleck joins a rich tradition of Hollywood leading men getting into character with coifs so implausible, distracting, or just plain silly that it can be hard to pay attention to the movie. Here are 10 more.

Photo Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

1. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Hesher

You can give this guy the full Jesus hair-and-beard treatment to make him look “menacing,” but all we could see was the kid from 500 Days of Summer.  Not that we ever watched that…

Photo Courtesy of Newmarket Films

2. Tom Cruise, Magnolia

The macho motivational speaker’s hair looks curiously like what an 11-year-old tomboy would do with a scrunchy and a couple of barrettes before going out skateboarding.

Photo Courtesy of New Line Cinema

3. Bruce Willis, The Fifth Element

Close-cropped yellow hair? Like the synth player from some one-hit new wave band opening for Duran Duran on an ’80s reunion tour? Stick to bald, Bruce.

Photo Courtesy of Sony Pictures Entertainment

4. John Travolta, From Paris With Love

Conversely, Travolta has plenty of hair, and shaving it only draws attention to the enormity of his melon. When did his head get so big, anyway? Did Barbarino take ’roids or something?

Photo Courtesy of Lionsgate

5. Hugh Jackman, X-Men movies

Sometimes we worry that Wolverine might start singing “I Ran” by Flock of Seagulls.

Photo Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

6. Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Due respect to the Mick for his fine and justifiably Oscar-nominated performance. Here he gets the nod not just for the length of his locks but for their bleach-blondness in combination with the badly weathered face. Kind of like some of the women we’ve chatted up at last call.

Photo Courtesy of Fox Searchlight

7. Russell Crowe, The Insider

His normal lush crop was made to look gray and thinning, frighteningly like that of the guy sitting next to you on the subway right now.

Photo Courtesy of Touchstone Pictures

8. Forest Whitaker, Battlefield Earth

We could have doubled up on Travolta again from this flick, but that would have been too obvious, so we’ll go with the “King of Scotland” for his Eddie Grant “Electric Avenue” dreads.

Photo Courtesy of Warner Bros.

9. Tom Hanks, The Da Vinci Code

Guy had roughly the same ‘do in movies for 30 years, and suddenly he’s a slicked-backed hipster?

Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

10. Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

Javier is pretty convincing as a ruthless killer, but he could just as easily have played one of the Amish dudes in Kingpin with this look.

Photo Courtesy of Miramax Films

More movies, please.

Screw movies, show me girls.