Horror Movie Plot, Or Messed Up News Report?

Take our quiz that shows, even on Halloween, there’s nothing scarier than the news.

Take our quiz that shows, even on Halloween, there’s nothing scarier than the news.

Real life is strange (people wanting to buy famous murder weapons, Donald Trump‘s ultimatums, someone actually wanting to have sex with Hulk Hogan…), and sometimes it’s freakier than any movie we’ve ever seen (when we can tell the difference). Below is a list of horror movie premises and real life situations that we couldn’t tell apart – see if you can. Answers below!

1. After a freak lawnmower accident dismantles his girlfriend, a dropout medical student decides to reincarnate his deceased lover by reassembling her body with the limbs of murdered prostitutes.

2. A dedicated farmer is completely consumed by his pigs after going out to feed them one day. Family members are totally oblivious until they fInd dentures and shreds of his body spread throughout the pig enclosure later on in the evening.

3. After finding out that his wife was having an affair, a successful suburban dentist goes crazy and starts to take out his anger through the tortured dental works of his patients.

4. A nine-year-old girl is stranded on a tree-top after being carried away by a whirlwind.

5. A pornography company travels to Northern California to make a movie, only to encounter a mysterious force that kills multiple crew members.

6. A malevolent Witch Doctor tricks a Nigerian boy into eating candy that transforms him into a yam.

7. A group of teenagers whose high school is directly next to a nuclear power plant experience strange side effects after buying contaminated drugs from a plant worker.


Photo: Alexey Romanov / iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012

1. Horror movie premise! In the 1990 comedic horror film Frankenhooker, dropout medical student Jeffrey Franken decides to reanimate his dead girlfriend. The only issue is he only has her head (we won‘t ask) and needs an abundance of limbs to make her the woman she once was. Roaming around Manhattan’s streets in the early ‘90s, Jeffrey gets the ingenious idea to steal some sexy appendages from prostitutes, but everything goes haywire when Frankenhooker comes to life looking for paid sex like her counterparts. Oh, the agony.

2. Real news story! 69-year-old Terry Vance Garner was gorged upon by his pigs after setting out to feed them in early October of this year. It is unknown as to whether or not Jerry had a medical emergency or if there was some swine foul play, but a relative later admitted that one of the livestock had bitten Terry before. Did we mention that some of the little piggies weighed up to 700lbs? And now they’re full of human flesh. Definite payback for all of the bacon we consume.

3. Both! The Dentist is a mid-nineties horror film about a crazy-ass dentist that was inspired by the real-life serial killer dentist Nick Rex. The film follows the crazed teeth-cleaner as he is initally introduced as having the-best-life-in-the-world-because-he-makes-billions-of-dollars-drilling-cavities, but later transforms into a psycho after he finds his wife playing the old in-and-out game with the family’s pool boy. Like every other dentist in the world (or is that only ours?) he takes his anger out on his root-canal’d followers.

4. Real news story! In July of 1992, a nine-year-old girl from Songjiang in China was playing outside when she was picked up by an intense whirlwind and carried two miles away to a tree top. Luckily unhurt, it was discovered that a similar situation happened in May of 1986 in which a “freak wind” carried 13 children in Western China to sand dunes twelve miles away.

5. Horror movie premise! One-Eyed Monster is exactly what you think it’s about: Ron Jeremy’s detached junk is thirsty for blood and eager to have sex with either gender. Like any other castrated genitalia, it becomes possessed by a sex-craving alien after the adult film superstar gets hit by a shooting star. Complete with an alien impregnation and semen raining from the sky, this movie is bound to become a classic for stoners with serious daddy issues everywhere.

6. Real News Story! Three Evangelist primary school students flocked to the headmistress’ office to explain that their friend had turned into a yam after accepting a piece of candy from a stranger. Later suspected to be the work of a witch doctor, the headmistress handed the vegetable over to the police to help unravel the mystery.

7. Horror movie premise! In cult Troma classic Class of Nuke ‘Em High, drugs are made less appealing by a bunch of teenagers who buy contaminated marijuana from a nuclear plant worker. After taking the drugs, weirdness ensues to the point where one student spits out a mutant baby into a toliet (because drugs also provide immaculate conception and a new form of birthing) that of course grows into an uncontrollably large monstrosity. Moral of the story: Don’t do drugs (unless you have a sick laser to kill your freak offspring with).

Check out movies you’d actually want to watch.

Or skip those and get to the girls.