How Many Calories Are in the L’eggo My Eggo Burger?

The sinister minds behind the Battle Creek Bombers have built a burger that no sane man should ever eat. We count the many, many reasons why.

This is the L’eggo My Eggo Burger, the latest artery-clogging publicity stunt from the sadists who work for the Battle Creek Bombers. The double-stacked bacon cheeseburger with waffles in the place of buns comes from the same media savvy masochists that brought us last summer’s Twinkie Dog. Clearly, the Bombers aren’t making news for their baseball. 

In addition to a cease and desist letter from Kellogg’s, the Bombers can expect to sell a lot of these monstrosities this summer. People really love stunt foods. But what can those people expect, other than diarrhea? It’s obvious this thing has a truckload of calories, and we wanted to know exactly how many. So we did the math. 

According to a press release from the Bombers, the L’eggo My Eggo Burger contains “three classic Eggo’s, over a half-pound of hamburger, two slices of cheese, four strips of bacon, and plenty of the Bombers’ new sauce.” That sauce is a combination of “a molasses-infused BBQ along with Michigan-sourced maple syrup.”

Let’s start with the waffles. That’s 285 calories. Two four-ounce beef patties is about 618 calories, but this thing has “over a half-pound,” so we’ll round up to 700. That’s almost 1000 calories and we’ve got a ways to go. The two cheese slices add 226 calories. Another 200 calories for the bacon. That leaves the sauce, which is harder to pin down. Let’s call it two ounces each of BBQ sauce and syrup, adding 190 calories. 

That brings the total calorie count for the L’eggo My Eggo Burger, excluding the beer necessary to convince someone it’s a good idea to eat this thing, to 1601 calories – or just under half the daily intake for the average Midwesterner.