Here’s How to Get Drunk Without Getting a Hangover, According to Science

A handy guide on how to pick your poison.


(Photo: Getty)

Ever notice how the day after you go on a booze bender you feel like death? Of course you do, because we all love to drink, and more often than not we wake up with a gnarly hangover the morning after and take a (very, very short-lived) vow of sobriety. Yup, sounds about right. 

But what if we told you there was a was a way to get loaded without waking up with a debilitating hangover the next morning? Well, there is, and it’s super simple. But first, let’s acknowledge the fact that you will probably still get a hangover, only it won’t be as deadly.

Okay. Let’s proceed.

Time for a mini science lesson. Alcohol contains a fermentation byproduct called congeners. Essentially, congeners are substances other than ethanol (a.k.a. the stuff that gets you turnt) that develop during the fermentation process, which lead to hangovers when ingested. 

Even though congeners are found in all types of booze, they’re found in larger amounts in dark liquors like whiskey, brandy, and red wine, than they are in light-colored and clear liquors, like vodka and gin. And the greater the congener content, the greater the hangover. Plus, dark liquors tend to have added sugars and preservatives, too, which aren’t doing you any favors. 

Make sense? Good! 

And you know what else makes hangovers worse? Not drinking enough water during your night out, that’s what. Alcohol already depletes your body of water, which is partly why you get a headache after drinking. So, not drinking water between glasses of booze is only adding fuel to the fire. 

Alas, here is the mathematical equation of a hangover:
High congener content + added sugars and preservatives – water = one doozy of a hangover.

That said, your safest bet on a night out is somewhat of a chick drink, like a gin and tonic, or a vodka soda. Kinda lame, but at least you’ll avoid feeling like complete ass the next morning.

“Vodka has the least ‘hangover causing’ toxins, particularly congeners, compared to other dark liquors like scotch and whisky,” Holistic nutrition expert Yoko Inoue told Mirror. “So when selecting a drink, choose cleaner options and space out drinks with extra glasses of water.”

Plus, here’s a piece of common sense most people choose to ignore when downing drinks—eat some food! Preferably something with healthy fats and lean protein, so that your stomach will stay comfortable while you get fucking toasted. 

To sum up this lesson on getting drunk like a boss, let’s recap the key points:
1. Opt for clear or light-colored booze (or don’t, whatever)
2. Have a glass of water between rounds
3. Eat beforehand

Bonus tip: Don’t drunk text your ex.

Happy drinking, my dudes.