Holy Sh*t, The Portions From the NY Jets’ “Jumbo” Menu Are Huge

Don’t tell your doctor if you eat one of these. 

This past Sunday, the New York Jets revealed new “Jumbo” menu items from the Jets Experience at MetLife Stadium. The “Jumbo” line features sausages, bagels and pretzels and holy hell they’re big enough to feed your entire family and probably your church and all your friends at the bar as well. 

CBS Sports reported the menu is “centered around the fan tailgate experience and are made to feed 4-6 people.” That estimate seems conservative when you take a look at just one example: the freaking massive Jumbo Breakfast Bagel.

CBS Sports blogger Mike Freedman writes that the Jumbo Breakfast Bagel is “a monstrous, oversized 10-inch everything bagel. It comes with a triple patty or half pound of Taylor Ham, a 1-pound Spicy Chorizo patty, and a 1-pound Breakfast Sausage patty, topped with four fried eggs, four slices of American cheese, and potato hash.”

We did a conservative estimate of the calorie values for the preceding list of ingredients and the Jets’ Jumbo Bagel will net just one brave soul approximately 5 billion calories and a crane ride to the hospital after friendly firemen have cut a hole through the wall of your bedroom to get you out.

Which is not to say we believe the Jets and Delaware North SportServices, the outfit who ginned up these awesome creations, are wrong for doing so. This may just be the most red-blooded American football Sunday menu in history. 

The Jets could sell extra tickets solely by encouraging fans and visitors to bring every person they know who, you know, eats, to help clean the plates. 

The only downside we can see is the nap-inducing potential in pigging out on heavy game day food in general. Instead of cheers, we can imagine the Jets being deafened by a stadium full of snoring fans.

Photos by The New York Jets